I am not worthy

I don't even know where to start.  Usually, a good rule of thumb would be to start at the beginning, but in this case, I'm not sure where the beginning, well...begins.

I guess it begins with a visit from my dad. He lives in Massachusetts with my younger (though significantly taller) brother and his family. This is his third visit in the last 2 years and we absolutely LOVE having him. Boy-child and Girl-child think Grandpa is THE BOMB and Uncle J., quite literally, hung the moon. For my part, I am encouraging all of this. I LOVE that my kiddos love their grandfather and uncle, and I love that my father and brother love my kiddos. If spoiling happens when they're around, well...who am I to argue? They get enough structure from hubby and me.

But that's really not why I'm writing this post.

You see, when I knew dad was coming to visit, I remembered what a horrendous mess my house was the last time he came, and how he quietly and sweetly chastised me for my awful housewifery. He never criticized or yelled, but I felt terrible about bad things were. So...I resolved NOT to let my busy life get in the way of making the place habitable and hospitable for his visit this time around.

I especially focused on the kitchen. Not only because the kitchen is usually the hub of any home, but because, in my opinion, it needed the most TLC. Once I started, I had a tough time stopping. I usually HATE cleaning and look upon it as the drudgery it is. But this time, I found some peace in it.

I began by taking everything off the tops of the cabinets. Everything had been up there for uncountable years and was covered in a thick, disgusting mix of dust and air-borne kitchen muck. I washed everything, cleaned off the tops of the cabinets, and put everything back. 

Then everything came out of each cabinet. I culled what was not needed or had expired, donated stuff to charity, washed everything, cleaned each shelf, and put everything back.

Then the counters. Everything off, counters scrubbed to within an inch of their lives, everything wiped down or washed off, and put back.

You see where I'm going. Literally every surface was cleaned. Every item was washed. Everything was rearranged and organized.

Hubby did the fridge (Bless him. I could not do it. I was to scared. I'm pretty sure something was alive in there.). Hubby scrubbed the floor. (I came home to the scent of Lavender Pine Sol. My fav!)

When the kitchen was done, I felt almost...free. Like this awful weight had been lifted and I wanted to make more good things happen in my house. So, I bought a bunch of air-tight glass containers and began "decanting" things into them. Dry beans and coffee, brown and white rice, flour, sugar, salt... I added hand-written labels. 

The rest of the house got a good cleaning, too, but the kitchen...well, that was my prize. Since then, I've been making sure the sink is gleaming at me every night. I've been setting the dishwasher to run overnight. And just knowing this small task is done makes me feel so much calmer in my soul. 

But, it is quite possible this has turned into a bit of an obsession. Good or bad, I don't know.

Let me explain.

I began finding these videos on YouTube: Extreme Cleaning, Clean with Me, Ultimate Deep Clean... They're fascinating. I'm not entirely sure why I would find watching some random woman cleaning her home (which, quite frankly, is already far cleaner when she starts than mine is when I'm done), but I do. 

Here's why I believe I am not (and never will be) worthy.

These women...these people who post videos of themselves cleaning their homes...are amazing. I chuckle a little bit (but not in any serious way) that they dress in casual clothing, or even yoga pants and a tank top, for these videos, but they've done their make-up (full face on), hair up in a pony tail or messy bun, and manage to look more vogue they I could ever be even after a full day prepping for a formal event. (Ha! That'll never happen!) They've got beautiful, bright, open homes, and, even at their messiest, are cleaner than mine.

I think...no one would ever want to watch ME do an Ultimate Deep Clean of my little 1000 sq. ft. Oak Ridge, Tennessee home.  Not that I want to video myself cleaning.

And, though I am kind of obsessed with these videos, they are also kind of disheartening. I will never have a home like one of those. I will never have pretty granite counter-tops, a crystal chandelier over my dining room table, or anything close to resembling a stainless steel, tri-cool refrigerator.

I wonder how I can get so much enjoyment from cleaning my home, and be so fascinated by these videos, and yet still feel so awful, and so much like a failure? It's weird to feel so torn in two like this. Happy about how it feels when I walk into my very small, but clean kitchen vs. how I feel when I begin wishing for things I know I cannot have.

I really WANT to be happy with what I've got. And mostly, I am. But there are days when I wish I could afford to remodel not only my bathroom (because it is in desperate need) but my kitchen, too. And, while I'm at it, I might as well go for gold and wish to have the kitchen look right out onto the living area in a pretty, open-concept floor plan.

Ah...if money were no option and the only thing holding me back was my imagination.

TTFN

JMS

Nag, nag, nag...

There's a saying that goes something like this: 'The hardest thing about being on a diet is shutting up about it."

I get that.  No one really wants to hear about what a pain in the butt it is to lose weight or your trials and tribulations toward a healthier (happier?) you.  Really – just eat the silly rabbit food and move on with your day.

Here's my (similar, yet not) saying: "The hardest part about giving your kids chores to do is waiting to see if the chores will get done without you having to nag the crap out of the kids."

The answer?  Nope.  They really won't do it if you don't bug them.

Therefore, please do not tell me to stop nagging because, aside from royally ticking me off, if I don't strongly encourage a thing to be done - with frustrating regularity - nothing (and I do mean nothing) will get done. Ever.

***

I decided it was finally time to start bribing…um…I mean giving my kids an allowance.  But, before you start wondering why I would do that if they're not doing anything, let me explain.

Boy child has a chart and a set of chores to do daily, and he gets a set amount of money (a small amount) per chore, per day.  He has the ability to earn up to $8.00 a week.  Boy child has been making a concerted – and voluntary – effort to get all his chores done before going to bed and seems to be excited about the prospect of earning a little bit of money.

Girl child also has a chart and a set of chores – same rules apply – and she has the ability to earn up to $6.00 a week.  (Different, age-appropriate chores + different kiddos = different allowance earnings.)  I do not anticipate she will earn the entire amount each week because she's not particularly enthused about the whole thing.  She does like the idea of being able to earn a little bit of money, but does not like the idea of having to do anything to get it. I have one word for you: Lazy. 

Bottom line – and they both know this – is that they must do the work or they do not get paid.  Also, mommy and daddy are not allowed to assist – their chores must be done by them.  The chores are not hard, and every single one of them is completely attainable – they just need to “buckle down” (I loathe that phrase, but it fits) and do the work.

So, I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. I'm not holding my breath, though.  Wish me luck, will ya?

(I wonder if a chore chart for hubby would work?  Kinda like a honey-do list, only with regular, daily chores – and he wouldn’t get paid.  No?  Yeah…I thought not.  Was worth a try.)

TTFN

JMS

One Mom's Honest Wish List

It bears repeating: Piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine!  (Maybe I just wanted an excuse to use this graphic.)  Yeah, I guess I'm being snarky.  I feel like the last few weeks I've been in emergency-management-mode rather than my usual, and preferred, mode of planning things out (to the best of my ability) ahead of time.  And, quite frankly, I'm tired. 

I guess being a parent (and, sometimes, a wife) automagically means you're in a constant state of crisis.  Mom!  I can't find my...  Mom!  I'm hungry.  Mom!  Can you help me with...  Mom!  I hate these pants!  Honey?  Have you see my...?  This crisis-mode sort of spills over into other aspects of my life (like work) and at this point, I'm kinda over it.  (I've been using that hashtag a lot lately, it seems.  #overit)  Below are a few things which, were they to occur, would, with minimal effort on the part of the others in my home, make my life so much easier.  **Fair warning, this could also be considered a list of Mom/Wife Peeves.  I'm certain I'm not the first person to come up with this list.

MOM'S WISH LIST

1. I don't want to have to uncover the dining table in order to be able to use it.  Your dishes should have been put in the sink after you were done eating.  This isn't difficult, really.  Just a matter of habit which you should be in already.  Breakfast dishes, especially.  Those icky, congealed bowls of leftover milk are disgusting.
2. I do not want to have to empty the dishwasher before I can fill it.  The dishwasher is not storage for clean dishes or a drying rack for wet ones.  Please put the dishes away, in the cabinets, where they belong.  If you can't reach, ask for help.
3. I do not want to empty the washing machine before I can use it.  Clothes which have been washed and have been left to sit - wet -  in the closed confines of the washing machine, have this awful habit of starting to stink (or wrinkle horribly) after a couple of hours.  This is the best reason to move the laundry along in a timely manner.  However, the other reason - the honest one - is that it just ticks me off when I go to use the machine and there is another load in there waiting to be dried.  I wash, you wash, I wash, you wash - we cannot wash at the same time.
4. I do not want to put away the ironing board so I can get to the dryer.  The small room which houses the dryer is not the place to iron your clothes.  Further, it is not the place to leave the ironing board set up.  The excuse that you were waiting for the iron to cool down is a weak one; there are other options.
5. I do not want to step on it.  If you spill it or drop it, pick it up.  Period.  If I find it on the floor, it will become mine - to do with as I please.  Up to, and including, throwing it away.  (This includes change.   If I find your forgotten or discarded nickles and dimes, they will become mine, too.)
6. If you pee in it, spit in it, or bathe in it, don't leave stuff on it.  Meaning, rinse out the sink after you're done brushing your teeth (or shaving your whiskers).  Wipe off the seat if you sprinkle when you tinkle.  Ring around the tub?  Mr. Clean Magic Erasers work wonders.  Just sayin'.
7. If you take it out, put it back.  Or, if you remove it from where it was, put it back where you found it.  This includes laundry which may be hanging up to dry which will not get dry lumped into a pile on the back of a closet door so you can shower.  This also goes for food, toys, games, and other items.

I've gotten to a point where I am just not doing anything because whenever I do something, someone goes right behind me and messes it up again.  I don't expect to live in a perfectly clean home; I have children and am aware that a clean home, at this point in my life, is next to impossible.  I do not want to live in an untouchable museum.  But I do expect the home I pay for (and all the stuff in it) to be treated with respect and taken care of.  Plus, treating my home (and all the stuff in it) like crap kinda feels like you're treating me that way, too.  And no, I'm not projecting your animated feelings onto an inanimate situation.  I know you love me - I love you, too - but I'm tired now, OK?

Please clean your own rooms, clear off your own dishes, wash your own clothes, etc.  Everyone in the house is now old enough to handle these things.  You are not too tired.  You are not too sick.  You are not too busy.  You are too lazy.  I will try to do better, too, because I know I'm not perfect. 

Signed, 

Exasperated Mom