My Current "Shiny Squirrel"

Is everyone as obsessed with April the Giraffe as I am?  You know, April the pregnant giraffe? It seems the whole world is holding their breath waiting for her to give birth. The world seems like it's falling apart (in my small, humble opinion), and everyone is watching a giraffe's hoo-hoo looking for signs of new life. Is this a metaphor?

I feel awful, mentally, right now and it seems that April is a mindless escape. I mean, I don't have the camera trained on the live feed all the time (ain't nobody got time for that!), but I do check in a couple of times a day.

I've learned a few things, too.

Bull giraffes aren't as docile as their female counterparts.  Not mean, exactly, but - as the YouTube, Animal Adventure Park live feed info says, "A bull is a bull is a bull." Infer what you will.

The things on their heads are called ossicones. Who knew? They are ossified cartilage covered with skin and fur and, as far as I can tell, have no purpose. The only other animal to have ossicones are Okapis. Huh? I'd never heard of an Okapi before, but they're an endangered species, related to the giraffe, and look like a deer mated with a zebra.

Anyway, when April finally begins to birth her baby, we'll see the baby's front hooves first, then the snout, then the rest will follow. A baby giraffe weighs, on average, 150 lbs, and is, on average, 6ft tall. A giraffe is pregnant for 15 months.

Wait! 15 months? Seriously? I absolutely cannot imagine being pregnant for 15 months. That little tidbit just blew me away! And imagine, a 150 lb, 6ft baby? I'm baffled. But then again, I'm not a giraffe, either. (Thank God!)

I would very much like to pet one, though. Hug it and squeeze it and call it Georgina? (Not George, because that would infer a male giraffe and, as we've already established, they're not much on the hugging and the squeezing.)

So, as the world waits with bated breath for April the gentle giant to have her huge baby, I am enthralled. Am I somehow hoping I'll be the first viewer to spot something happening? Nope. Do I expect anyone else to be interested? Nope. Is this a way to post an entry on my blog without having to talk about anything personal? Absolutely.

Am I OK?  Yes. Is anything really wrong? No. Am I in a funk? Yupperdoodle. And I'll get over it.

For now, I'll look at a giraffe's hoo-hoo along with the rest of the world.

TTFN
JMS

Stupid stuff you learn from your parents

When I was a kid my dad said all kinds of goofball stuff that I, as an adult, now say.  And yes, people look at me in exactly the same way we kids used to look at my dad when he said them.  You know that look.  The one that says, “I wonder which planet you’re from?”

Here are a few examples:

·         Woolsey Boat Paint

·         Good Gravy, Grandma!

·         Battle Boat/Battle Dog/Battle Baby

Bear with me, explanations to come.

Woolsey Boat Paint (yes, it's really a thing) meant “We’ll see,” in Dad-Speak.

“Good Gravy, Grandma!” was not a way to praise to his grandmother about her gravy-making par-excellence; it meant, essentially, “Good Grief, Charlie Brown!”

Battle Boat/Battle Dog/Battle Baby – well, that takes quite a bit more explaining, however the short version is that my dad went through a He-Man, Masters of the Universe phase about the same time my brother and I did, so because one of the characters on the show was Battle Cat, everything became a Battle-something.  (I’m dating myself, here.  There are going to be many of my dear readers who remember this awesome, animated, good vs. evil television show.  Those who don't remember, please feel free to Google it for a full description.  Suffice it to say, my brother and I adored the show and had all the accoutrement required to enjoy hours of self-entertaining play.) So, the 12-foot aluminum row boat became Battle Boat (yes, officially).  Our Shetland Sheepdog, Trevor, became Battle Dog.  And my little sister became Battle Baby.

No – I am not joking.

(My father also had a fondness for antique oil lamps, which I confess, I also share.  File that under Little-Known Jen Fact.)

So, when I say something off-the-wall, please know that I come by my strangeness honestly.  And, since I’m being honest, I like my Weird.  I embrace it.  Please deal with it as you are able.

That is all.

TTFN
JMS

You ain’t got nothing on me!

Move over Red Bull.  Take a hike Five Hour Energy.

One of the most important parts of my morning routine is…of course…coffee.  First, I pick up my mug.  Then, I take a trip down the hall to the break room to wash out said mug.  Then, I stride with purpose back down the hall to my office and proceed to select one lucky K-cup from the spinny-thing on the coffee bar.  I open the maw of King Keurig, pop in the proffered offering, and pierce it through with joyful anticipation bordering on glee.  I usually yawn once or twice, just for good measure, while I wait for King Keurig to spew forth its beautiful, lava-esque liquid.  Strong Coffee, Ultra-Strong Coffee, and Holy-Crap-That’s-Bracing-GASP-Just-Let-Me-Catch-My-Breath-And-Wipe-My-Eyes-Before-You-Try-To-Talk-To-Me-Coffee.  Yeah.  That’s the stuff.

Cream? Nope.  Sugar?  Definitely not.  Why ruin a good thing?

Oh Jen…why?

Because Death Wish Coffee – that’s why.  The most beautiful sacrifice King Keurig has ever, or will ever, touch.  It slices, it dices, it kick’s sleep’s ass.  It’s the best thing since sliced bread.

Wait!  Seriously?  Death Wish Coffee?  You’re kidding, right?  I sincerely hope you’re kidding!

Nope.  It’s awesome.  You, oh coffee-lover extraordinaire, must get some.  Take it from me (in this totally unsolicited, absolutely from-the-heart, truest form of flattery “advertisement” for the brown grounds that are made of awesome) if you truly love coffee in its purest form this is the caffeinated beverage you’ve been dreaming about all your life.

Don’t believe me?  Go to http://www.deathwishcoffee.com for proof. 

TTFN
JMS

A moment of brutal honesty

In chatting online with a long-time friend last night, I came to some conclusions that I may not really have arrived at if not given an opportunity to actually think about them. In a moment of brutal honesty, I'd like to share with you the following conversation. My friend's name has been omitted, though I will say that she was the guidance counselor at my high school years and years ago and knew me when I was, quite literally, at my absolute worst emotionally.

GC

This is totally off subject but someday, when you have time and feel like it, I would love it if you could talk to me about what was going on with you in high school, and how you overcame whatever it was that was making you so so unhappy, What worked to help you? and what didn't. I am so proud of the life you have made for yourself, but I would really like for you to talk about what turned you around- if you can and want to.

ME

I can tell you right now. It was a combination of having lost my mom at 15, my dad having remarried too soon to a woman who slapped me across the face and told me to get the F out of her house, living with a grandmother who had not one clue about how to raise a teenager in "modern" times and not being allowed to do anything with friends that a normal teenager would do.

GC

So how did you find your way, instead of going to the dark side?

ME

I really don't know. I guess it was probably because I was afraid to become like those around me? Fear was a great motivator for me back then. It's also the reason I never got into drugs or alcohol in any real way. Fear. I was afraid to get caught. Afraid to become something less than I could be. Afraid of becoming like my alcoholic/abusive father or simply horrible step mother. Or of being so out of touch with reality or modern day society that I didn't understand things. I was afraid of not performing to the absolute best of my ability. I think fear was probably - at that time in my life - a major player.

As I grew older, wiser - whatever - I overcame a lot of those fears and have learned to be stronger for overcoming them.

For example (and maybe not the best one) the day I drove on the highway for the first time - all by myself - was a HUGE thing. I was TERRIFIED of driving on the highway. My mom was afraid of it and so was my grandmother so I probably picked that fear up from them. When I moved to Tennessee, and took a job in Knoxville, for a long time I was able to get to and from work just driving back roads. Taking the long way around, which was stupid and a waste of time, energy and money. So, one day I decided that I'd just get on the highway and go one exit down. Just one. And I did that. I was terrified, but I did it anyway. And I did that every day until I was totally comfortable with it. Then I moved another exit down and so on until one day I was driving all the way to work on the highway. Then the big test was driving all by myself to South Carolina (Greeneville) to pick up my husband. I was cured. But again, it was a FEAR that drove me. No pun intended.

GC

I'm thinking your mom did a pretty good job when you were young. Somewhere you learned to put one foot in front of the other. I am sorry you were so afraid.

ME

I was afraid that if I didn't learn how to drive on the highway that I'd box myself into a certain kind of life and maybe affect my own children. Project my own fears on them. I still struggle with that some days, but my kids are not (thankfully) afraid of much.

GC

You are a masterpiece

ME

LOL! Hardly. I struggle every day to keep myself together. But now, I do it not for myself - I do it for my family. For those that rely on me. My life has never, ever, truly been MINE. It's always belonged to someone else, been ruled by someone else, or something else (fear). But thank you.

GC
Well, your life will become your own, with time. In the meantime, you seem to be raising amazing children. That is a pretty important thing and when you are my age, you will cherish that as a wonderful life production. Having pride in your children is priceless, though you should certainly have pride in yourself!!!!

And not a part of that conversation, but in closing of this post, I do have pride in myself.  Most of the time. I'm working on it.  A little bit.  Every day.  And some days it's a lot harder than others.  But the good definitely outweighs the bad now, and for that I am so very thankful.

TTFN
JMS

To squeeze, or not to squeeze, that is the question

There’s this ongoing and maybe not-so-silent argument happening at my house. 

Bottles.  I’m talking 2 liter soda bottles here folks, and the age old argument of whether squeezing a soda bottle (or not) makes the soda stay fizzy longer.  Hubby’s a squeezer and I’m most definitely not.  In fact, the actual squeezing of the soda bottle ticks me right off.  (I get mad about stupid things.  Yes, I know this.  Don’t judge.)  Aside from the fact that it’s just not aesthetically pleasing, which offends my delicate sensibilities, it makes the bottles unwieldy.  And on top of that, I just think he’s wrong.  He claims that squeezing will help keep the soda fizzy longer and I think that by squeezing the bottle you’re allowing for the gasses to escape the liquid soda and are giving them more room, thus re-expanding the crushed bottle. So, a question arose in my brain: Who is right?

The last thing I can claim is to be too knowledgeable about Science.  I proved just last night that I know basic Science stuff by passing an 8^th grade Science Test on Facebook.  I got 14 of the 15 questions right!  Go me!  But that’s not what I came here to talk about.  I have friends that are far more knowledgeable about this stuff than I am.  However, I can research.  I did research.  And you know what I found?  More confusion.  Lots of talk about CO2 and expansion rates and partial pressure and ideal gasses.  Yikes! 

But as I read through some of the discussion board threads, it seems like folks are adamant about their answer. Some swear up and down that squeezing works and other’s claim that’s just stupid – like me.  Except with science-y stuff to back up their claims.  And I’m not smart enough to understand it or know who is right.  Let me present a less science-y example that I came across: 

My wife does this, and I cannot understand how it would be beneficial.  How might this keep the gasses from escaping?  She says it’s about having less air inside the bottle.  Please explain to me how this could be.  [posted by dammitjim to Home & Garden]

Here are a couple of the immediate responses to this question: 

Squeezing the bottle accomplishes exactly the opposite of what your wife wants to accomplish.   Squeezing the bottle creates negative pressure inside the bottle because of the plastic’s elasticity that will hasten the extraction of the carbon dioxide from the soda.

That is why the caps that claim to save carbonation increase air pressure instead, although they do not work as advertised because pumping air into the bottle does not force carbon dioxide back into the soda.  You would need to pump carbon dioxide into the bottle instead.  The bottles are pressurized with carbon dioxide when bottled, so once you open the cap for the first time, it’s a losing battle.  The best thing to do is keep the bottle in the fridge.  A colder soda will release less CO2.  [posted by Tanizaki]

And…

I don’t think this actually works.  I’ve heard of people doing it before so I tried it for a while, but it seemed to have no effect whatsoever on how quickly the soda went flat.  The CO2 just doesn’t want to be in solution once it has all that lovely air to mix with.  I noticed the few times I did this that after a few hours, the bottle had expanded back to its original shape.  Obviously this could not happen if the CO2 was staying in the solution.  There’s just not enough pressure in the bottle to keep the CO2 in place once the seal is broken, no matter how much you squeeze the bottle.  [posted by katyggls]

Maybe I’m partial to these responses because they seem to be in line with my exact thoughts.  Admittedly, I haven’t gone to the end of the Internet and back seeking enlightenment on this subject, but I still think I’m right and I think hubby (love him though I do) is still...um...wrong. 

Does anyone want to weigh in on the subject?  I’m open to scientific responses presented in a non-confusing way.  Remember, I’m a person of somewhat average intelligence and if you get all science-y on me my ADD will rear it's ugly head and I’ll tune out and simply continue to think that I am right when, in all probability, I am wrong.

TTFN

JMS

Home Physics Filter: Does squeezing the bottle of a carbonated beverage help keep it from going flat?  http://ask.metafilter.com/228098/Home-Physics-Filter-Does-squeezing-the-bottle-of-a-carbonated-beverage-help-keep-it-from-going-flat

The Straight Dope: Fighting Ignorance Since 1973 (It’s taking longer than we thought): Does Squeezing (and sealing) a soda/soft drink bottle keep it carbonated for longer? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=479007

Easter (Bunny) Musings

I don't want to just make stuff up, really - I kind of like research and facts. If I don't know about something I tend to go directly to my preferred search engine and start seeking information. Even if it's just a tidbit here and there, it's likely more than I knew when I started. This makes me a font of useless knowledge and tidbits, but an expert in nothing special.

I heard something on the radio this morning that made me question myself and my fact seeking quests, though. The DJ - using his made-for-radio voice to fill time between songs - said, "...the average age that kids stop believing in the Easter Bunny is around age 6."

Really? Because my kids still believe, and they're 7 and 10, respectively. I would suspect my son has an idea that his mom is full of hot air...(something I don't deny, honestly)...but then thinking twice I wonder if he'd actually be upset to learn that the Easter Bunny is, in fact, me? My daughter asked me just last night if I thought the Easter Bunny was going to bring her a basket this year. I did my best, non-committal, "Hmmmm...we'll see," and left it at that.

Don't get me started on Santa Claus.

I suppose the lengths I go to to make stuff up for the sake of my kids happiness is further than I realized. I wonder if it's time for me to start backing off? These things have definitely been fun, mostly because it's pretty cool to watch their faces as I explain to them how I spoke personally with the Tooth Fairy to let her know that the lost tooth would not be under Beta Child's pillow because said child would be snuggling with me. This is important stuff. This is amazing stuff! I actually have the Tooth Fairy's cell phone number! And yes, it's magical.

TTFN
JMS