Parental Error in Judgement

I made a parental error in judgment the other night. Yes, I did. We are all fools, on occasion, are we not?  Ah...to really give you the proper insight, therefore, I must go back and explain how the error came to be. (Can you tell I've been reading Jane Austen again?)

Several weeks ago, I had a horrible nightmare. Truly, one of the worst I've had in a very long time. Without going into details about that particular dream, suffice it to say it left me feeling sick in my soul and supremely disturbed in my heart and mind. It stuck with me. I remembered every detail; every feeling. And I carried that discomfort around for a few days until I finally decided that the only way I could hope to get rid of that soul-sickness was to write about it. Put it all down on paper in a way that might take it from me and transfer all the ickiness (that's an Austen word right there) to paper.

Almost 12,000 words and 19 pages later, I succeeded. The disturbing nature of the dream was now gone from me because it became a fictional story, rather than a dream in which I felt I'd taken an intimate role.

I sat on this story for a while before I even said anything to anyone about it, but finally had one of my trusted friends read it. Her words were, "...it's creepy and chilling and awesome..." Honest and high praise from her as she reads more than I do. I was glad to know I was able to convey the feeling of it.

Fast forward to earlier this week, Boy-Child and I were discussing various things and he said something about a bad dream he'd had the night before. We talked about it, and I said, "Boy, I had a doozy of a dream a few weeks ago. It was so bad I had to write a story about it just to shake it from my system."

Well, I didn't think at the time (though I should have) that my book-loving son would want to read that story. He thought about it for a couple of days before he asked me to read it.

At first, I said no, because I knew it was creepy and I also because he has never slept really well and I didn't want to run the risk of my being the reason for his having a bad night. Which this story, I felt certain, would do.

He persisted. And I (here's my parental error) finally gave in and let him read it.

It probably took him 15 minutes to read 19 pages and 12,000 words. Far faster than I can read. When he was done, I looked at him and watched him visibly shudder. Oops, I thought.

"You OK bud?"

He couldn't look at me, but said, "Yeah, that was REALLY CREEPY, mom."

"I know."

He needed to go to bed shortly thereafter and told me he would be sleeping with his light on. I expected that, and so didn't really make a reply.

A little while later, he came in and said, "Mom, that story was really creepy!" I suggested he grab his ear buds and listen to music as he fell asleep. He thought that - along with his light - was an excellent idea, and so went back to bed.

Again, he came back to me and said, "I think I figured out why your story bothered me so much."

"Oh? Why?" I asked.

"Because the main character is you. It's creepy because it feels like it happened to you. I could see you in the character and that's what made it creepy."

I put my hands on both sides of his head, looked him directly in the eyes (knowing he was looking back; looking to make sure my irises hadn't suddenly turned black) and said to him, "Bud, I'm right here, soul and all. I'm OK, I promise. And so are you."

He said, "OK," and went back to bed.

Apparently, he was so convinced of my truly being OK, he was no longer even fearful, because when - about 30 minutes later - I went to check on him, he was fast asleep. Lights and music off. And further, he slept all night long.

The next morning, I asked if he was alright and he said, "Yeah, but I guess I probably shouldn't have asked to read it."

Probably not. But he's 13 now and is finally starting to understand actions and decisions and consequences. So, I suppose, even though I feel like I scared the crud out of my son and am a terrible parent, it is a lesson learned. For both of us.

TTFN
JMS

PS: My trusted friend, who had the distinction of being the first person - other than myself - to read the story, said that she could see me in the main character, too. Her words were something to the effect of, "...those who know you will really see you in this." Guess my son has excellent insight, too.

UPDATE 8/15/17: It's rough - I reread it after it had been posted and there are some spacing errors, as well as a few things I'd like to fix, but the story is out there now and you're welcome to go read it. http://www.creepypasta.com/becoming/ Good luck. Feel free to tell me how you really feel. My skin is thick.

Change is good, right?

The beginning of the year marked a small change in my life.  This change is certainly nothing major or earth-shattering, probably nothing to truly write home about, but still, it’s a change.  Now, I’m not one of those folks who resists change at all costs.  In fact, I tend to embrace change as often as possible; I like the fresh perspective change can bring.  This doesn’t mean I really like change - I don’t particularly - but it does mean I’m somewhat flexible, which I suppose is a good thing.

At the beginning of December, Boss-Man and I discussed my schedule.  He suggested a new one, and I, at the time, half-heartedly agreed to it.  At first I was hesitant.  I mean, I really liked my schedule the way it was.  I got to work early and didn’t have to stay too terribly late.  I felt productive and I liked the quiet-time the early mornings afforded me, as well as the time to catch up on things and figure out my plan of attack for the day.

But, when I really thought about it, Boss-Man’s schedule change suggestion wasn’t really all that awful.  Come in 30 minutes later in the morning and stay 30 minutes later at night.  Big deal, right?  A few extra minutes of sleep in the morning, a little bit less stress, plus the added bonus of being able to drop Boy-Child off at school personally and spend just ten extra minutes with him each day.  So, what started as a little bit of a bummer, turned into something pretty good. 

We haven’t had too much time to put this new schedule (any portion of it) into practice, and I know it will take me a little time to get used to it, but I’m trying to think positive.  And really, just because someone moved my cheese (a very worthy read, by the way) does not mean my world is coming to an end.  See?  I can totally be flexible. 

I'm sure you're very proud.

TTFN
JMS

SERIES: Jen's Library (#9)

GARRISON KEILLOR’S LAKE WOBEGON SUMMER 1956  

Truth be told, the first time I “read” this book it was an audio book Hubby and I got to listen to on a long car ride from Tennessee to Connecticut and, though I wasn’t actively flipping pages, it was an excellent read.  I’ve read the physical copy since then and it didn’t lose anything by reading vs. listening.  

I love Garrison Keillor.  I love the way he speaks (and he narrates the audio book) in such monotone with minimal inflections as to make even the most mundane sentence hysterical and the most hysterical sentence even more so.  Maybe because I read the physical book after listening to it in audio format, I read the book with Keillor's voice in my head, which was great.  And honestly, I don't know if I'm recommending you read first and then listen, or the other way around, like I did.  I guess it doesn't matter.

This book is a story of a young, teenage boy named Gary who hails from a suffocatingly religious family in fictional Lake Wobegon, Minnesota.  Gary is a writer, loves baseball, his slightly older cousin, Kate, and dirty magazines.  He hates his annoying older sister and the Sanctified Brethren influence of his family.  The story follows Gary through the daily trials and tribulations of his young life.  It’s not exciting.  It’s not a quick read, but it doesn’t plod along, either.  It is well-written and uproariously funny.  I can almost guarantee you will snort whatever beverage you are sipping on out your nose.  (Hubby and I have never laughed so hard on a car trip before...or since.)  And, of course, it’s by Garrison Keillor.  If you don’t read any other book by Keillor in your life, you need to read this one.  You might be offended (in multiple ways) but I doubt you’ll be disappointed.

SERIES: Jen's Library (NOTES)

I'm finding it hard to believe I've already told you about eight books I love!  Time flies, does it not?  Granted, I wrote all of the previous posts at once - weeks ago - and then separated and scheduled them to post at times and dates I chose.  But look - it's eight (well, nine, now) weeks later and, though I don't know what kind of influence these little blurbs have made on anyone, I'm still enjoying myself.  Are you?

Since I've already posted my favorites, I now need to consider other books to share with you.  I already have several in mind, but I'm feeling like I need to re-read them to make sure I can accurately review them for you.  And really, I don't really want to call these Jen's Library posts "reviews" because though they are, they're not.  OK, I realize that was probably confusing and contrary and I apologize.  What I mean is, though in some ways these little snippets are reviews - because I do tell you what I think about the books in my own words - mostly what these posts are is: "Hey, I've read this book and I really enjoyed it.  Here are a few thoughts I thought of.  This is my opinion, feel free to make it yours.  I hope you enjoy it, too."  

You'll further notice I don't post too terribly much about what actually happens in these books.  You may have thought, "I wish she'd tell me a little bit more so I can decide if I want to delve deeper," but that's not the point, either.  I want to give you just enough - a hook, if you will - to make you want to go read the book on your own, without giving anything away.  Allow you to make your own, well-informed decision, without my influence.  I want to influence you to read them, but not influence your opinion.  Does that make sense?

Coming up on Jen's Library we'll have books from the following authors: Elizabeth Kostova, Nora Roberts, Jane Austen, John Steinbeck and more.  But, though I've been spacing these posts out at one-week intervals, you may begin to find a little more time in between.  Do you care?  Does it matter?  Probably not, but I'm going to do it anyway.

So, no book review this week in an effort to allow myself a little more time to gather my thoughts and rearrange my library.

Love ya!
J

SERIES: Jen's Library (#8)

ANITA DIAMANT'S THE RED TENT

Published in 1997, The Red Tent is based on the biblical story of Jacob and his sons, his wives, and his only daughter, Dinah, who is the voice of the novel.  Biblical Dinah first appears in Genesis 31:21.  Then, in Genesis 34, Dinah is said to have been raped while afterward, her brothers exact revenge.  There’s more to it, but Dinah’s entire Biblical story is only one small chapter of a huge, widely believed and widely circulated book.  Diamant’s novel expands on Dinah’s story, giving voice to a nearly invisible female character and giving her an opportunity to tell the world what really happened.  Dinah’s story is so richly realized, at times I find it hard to separate Biblical Dinah from Novel Dinah.  There is no way, in one small paragraph, I could do this stunningly beautiful novel true justice.  Even if you are not a Christian believer, this novel is one you should not miss.  (Note: This novel was made into a two-part miniseries of the same title, adapted by Lifetime, which premiered in December of 2014.  I have yet to see it.  I may never see it.  The book is too wonderful and I can’t believe the miniseries would be any better than my own vivid imagination.)

TTFN
JMS

SERIES: Jen's Library (#7)

CALEB CARR'S THE ALIENIST

Published in 1994, The Alienist is a gripping whodunnit novel featuring Teddy Roosevelt (yes, that Teddy Roosevelt) as the Chief of Police in New York City, circa 1896.  Murders are happening in his fair city and Mr. Roosevelt bucks the system by quietly putting together a diverse group of folks to perform the first psychological profile of a killer.  Back then, people with mental difficulties were considered to be “alienated” from themselves, others, and society; doctors who treated such individuals were called Alienists.  Needless to say, one of the profilers is a famous alienist.  There’s also a reporter, Mr. Roosevelt’s police department secretary, a servant, a street boy, and two detectives with new and untested investigative methods of uncertain outcome.  It’s a gruesome novel to be sure.  The crimes committed are described in horrible detail in the language of the era and the thoughts, feelings and behaviors behind the language are vastly different than what we “modern” people might consider acceptable.  Oh, I’m sure there’s still a modicum of a similar prejudice in modern day New York City, but some of this book might offend delicate sensibilities.  All that being said, the crack investigative team eventually solves the multi-layered puzzle, figures out who the killer is, and goes about setting a trap to catch him.  This is a huge oversimplification of a (in my opinion) flawless and complicated – but superbly excellent – novel.

TTFN
JMS

SERIES: Jen's Library (#6)

NANCY KRESS'S BEGGARS IN SPAIN

Published in 1993, this one’s another sci-fi novel and I need to say that for me, Beggars in Spain is purely literary candy.  On the one hand, the book seems somewhat plausible and almost potentially scary, but on the other hand, it is so far-fetched as to be totally unbelievable.  It’s the future and scientists have discovered a way for couples to choose how their children will turn out.  For example, if you wanted your child to have blue hair and blonde eyes (yes, I did that on purpose) you could give them the genetic predisposition for those attributes.  If you wanted your child to be musical, or athletic, predispositions could be genetically coded.  But those who would choose to augment their unborn children in such a way also had the ability to choose another option: sleeplessness.  To never require sleep.  Ever.  The book follows one such genetically modified person (and her non-modified “normal” twin sister) and cycles through society’s thoughts on the matter: hate, fear, protest, retaliation, segregation and acceptance.  Not necessarily in that order.  Spaceships are involved (and holograms) which is just cool - but more than that, it’s a study in science-fictional sociology.

TTFN
JMS