What is "NORMAL" anyway?

You know, sometimes I have to sit back and remind myself I can't let life just HAPPEN to me. That I need to TAKE CHARGE! GRAB THAT BULL BY THE HORNS! GET STUFF DONE! GO! GO! GO! NEVER STOP! It's freakin' exhausting.

But then life throws you a curve ball and NORMAL gets tossed right out the window.

Life threw our little family a curve ball last week as we said our final farewell to my sweet Mother-in-Law. She was one of the best people I've ever known and she will be missed. She accepted me right from the start and I loved her.

Hubby is so very sad. He said, "If everyone would stop asking me how I'm doing I'd probably be OK!" But it's not just that. So many thoughts. So many memories. And there's absolutely NOTHING I can do. Nothing I can say. Nothing that will help. And I feel so very, very helpless.

I can't grab the horns. I can't get stuff done. I can't go.

I have to stop. Reflect. Be solid and stable and THERE.

So, what is NORMAL? Normal is making sure he knows I'm here for him, no matter what. Remembering not to ask him how he's doing, but instead, asking what he needs or how I can help. Normal is letting him know I've got things under control at home if he needs to be with his sisters to grieve or do whatever needs to be done on their end. Normal is giving him time and space when he wants it. Or, smothering him with hugs and love when he needs it.

I can't FIX this.

The kids are sad, too. It's hard for them. They have so many good memories of their Nani. I asked girl-child about her best memories last night. She said she had two which stood out: The time she and boy-child were helping their Nani wash dishes in her little kitchen in Big Stone Gap, VA and they argued over who got to use the chef scrub brush. And the time they helped Nani make her special chocolate bundt cake for their daddy's birthday and covered the entire thing with thin candles - all over - and they called it the Spaceship Cake. And also many, many animal memories. Nani had lots of animals.

They have their memories, for which I am profoundly grateful.

I have to let my little family grieve in their own ways. And I'm grieving, too. I couldn't have searched the world over and found a better Mother-in-Law. I definitely lucked into a wonderful extended family.

So right now, our NORMAL is grief. Our NORMAL is trying to do the day-to-day. It's fresh and new and hard right now. But we WILL move forward.

And it will never be exactly the same again.

TTFN
JMS

OBIT: http://www.johnsoncitypress.com/Obituary/2017/10/16/Ellen-Ginger-Nave-Shell

The Great Smoky Mountains are on Fire

I typically try to stay out of anything that could cause a stir - politics and religious issues especially - because, quite frankly, I'm too ignorant (stupid?) to speak on them with any real insight or knowledge.  Most of the time, I'm not "up" on current events and I only find out about things well after they happen and then, what's the point of really trying to discuss it?  Another thing I do not do is spew verbal vomit around simply because I might feel particularly strongly about one thing or another.  Yes, occasionally my soap box does come out, but that happens when not only do I feel strongly about something, I know enough about it to be able to say something wise and truthful.

I'm not perfect.  I won't profess to be perfect - ever.  I feel like things around me are in shambles right now and I'm struggling to keep my head above water.  I'm drowning in negativity, and I am the first one to say - about myself - that I have a tough time keeping a positive outlook anyway.  Long-term depression kind of does that to a person.

Where was I going with this?  (I'm still caffeinating.  Please bear with me.)

I live in East Tennessee.  We've been in a drought for several weeks.  We haven't had any significant rain since July (I think).  It's exceptionally dry around here. Right now, there are wild fires raging all around us.  It's been really devastating for those in the direct paths of those fires.  But, admittedly, I've been doing what most people do: I've gone on with my life because, well, those fires are really not affecting me in any major way.  (Unless you consider the major breathing/allergy issues I've been having for the last few weeks due to the smoke in the air.)  I suppose it's selfish of me.  Uncaring?  Pretending like nothing is wrong while the world, for some people, is practically ending?  Yes.  All of those things.  But it's also self-preservation.  I'm already struggling to get out of bed in the morning and these little stories I tell myself (i.e.: Everything is awesome!  It's gonna be a great day!  You've got this!) are sometimes the only things that keep me moving forward.  I have people depending on me so I have to be okay, even if I'm not.

Sorry - I went a little bit...off...there.

Anyway, fires.  These fires didn't become real for me (though they are most definitely real) until yesterday, when they hit Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge.  (Go Google "Wildfires in Gatlinburg, TN" for more information.)  Now, granted, I'm not really near these fires.  So, why are they affecting me more than the ones which have been and are much closer?  Because I've been there.  I know the places which are being destroyed by the inferno.  The area is one of the first places I ever went in Tennessee - before I even lived here - so it holds fond memories for me.  And the videos I've seen on social media of the mandatory evacuation of that area - and the fires literally licking the edges of the roads and flaming all around - daring escapes down the mountains.  I'm just devastated.  Not for myself, but for the folks who live and work in that area.

Tennessee has become my home in so many ways.  Not just because I live here.  Not just because I've made a life here.  Not just because I love where I am.  But it's the people.  It's the movement.  It's the way of life.  It's nature.  Nature most especially.  I might not be much of an outdoorsy person but ever since I first laid eyes on them, those Smoky Mountains got to me.  They take my breath away every time I see them.  And for me, that's saying something.  Nearly every day, driving to and from work, I think to myself, "I live in the most beautiful place in the country!"  And now, it's being destroyed by fire.  At least parts of it.

If you're a praying person, I'd like to ask for your prayers.  If' you don't pray, then just send good thoughts up.  Just last night, we've finally had a small amount of rain but more is desperately needed in order to really get a handle on all these fires.

Oh - and one more thing: They (authorities) suspect most of these fires were started by arsonists.  Yes, really.  What?  Who does that kind of thing?  We've either got one very determined fire bug or a lot of really sick people who would rather see beautiful things destroyed than lifted up and protected.  In my opinion, our world as we know it, is on the brink of destruction anyway.  Why speed up the process?

TTFN
JMS

Life Skills Resume -OR- Mommy Magic

I was thinking about what my resume might look like if I were simply honest.  I mean, not that my resume isn’t honest – it totally is – but it’s honest work stuff and not necessarily honest life stuff.  Does that make sense?  I mean, resumes are supposed to be all about how awesome you are at your job; the stuff you do that earns you a paycheck.  But what if we got paid for knowing and doing and being other stuff? 

For example:

SUMMARY:  Hard-working, committed mother of two with over 42 years of experience in the field of General Life.  Extensive background in service and commitment with a well-established ability to sacrifice for the sake of others.  Ability to meet important deadlines and complete homework projects.  Solid Internet research skills and a familiarity with multiple technical medias as they relate to networking and child appropriateness levels.  Child-friendly with ability to entertain biological children as well as children of others in a trusted, safe environment where they are encouraged to thrive.  Strong written, verbal, and interpersonal skills coupled with an ability to win in a family- or self-driven environment. 

EDUCATION: School of Hard Knocks

RELATED SKILLS:

• Proper coffee making
• Proper table setting
• Proper bed making
• Basic Mathematics
• Strong English Language vocabulary and grammar
• Proficient reading
• Excellent table manners
• Good hygiene, oral and body
• Above-average technical
• Quirky fashion sense
• Don’t have to keep up with The Jonses
• Extensive knowledge of Alone-Time benefits and recuperative powers
• Deep, enduring and life-affirming animal appreciation

I could add stuff like:

• Can make a campfire
• Can make macaroni and cheese
• Can pour without spilling
• Can color within the lines
• Can be serious or silly, depending on need
• Am thought to have certain magical abilities to include: having eyes in the back of my head, Extra Sensory Perception, Trouble identification, Boo-boo Care, and the ability to make red lights turn green with a wave of my fingers
• Am known to have a direct line to Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny (et al) and can contact any and all on short notice with behavior updates

I wonder what one would get paid for skills such as these?  Should my General Life job be considered my second job, or should it be considered my first job, and my job-job would then become my second job?  Am I confusing you yet?

Something to consider.  

My brain hurts.  I think I need coffee.  Or a glass of wine.

TTFN

JMS

When Life Happens...

I took a day off today (Monday, as I write this).  Not for any reason other than I needed a mental health day.  I think we’re allowed one of those every now and then.  I talked to my boss well in advance and we agreed this was acceptable, I got someone to cover the phones and handle any administrative-type things that might come up, so all my responsible little ducks were in their happy little rows.  I had intended to spend a good portion of the day doing absolutely nothing.  Yes, you heard me: Nothing.  No thing.  Not one thing.  And it was going to be good.  Plus, the story I was making up in my head was the day would include copious amounts of coffee.  So…excellent plan, right?

Then, life happened.

Get kids up and ready for school, showered and completely dressed, hair dry, breakfast in bellies, teeth brushed, backpacks ready, lunches made, planners signed.  (We do this every morning, except most mornings I’m gone by 6:30 so whatever happens after that is a mystery to me.)  And then I got to go with them to drop them off at school, and it was nice for me to be part of the routine my kids are so used to and flow through so well.  (To answer your question: Yes, I did get coffee.   Hubby drove to McDonald’s and went inside – in the rain – to get me a large cup of the black brew that flows through my veins and keeps me alive.  Boy-child didn’t dub it my Life Juice for no reason.)

We went home, and then the frenzy began.  First with the living room – because I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore; then with girl-child’s room – for the same reason.  At some point late morning hubby and I went to see SPECTRE (“Bond, James Bond.”) which was awesome.  It prompted me to go back and start watching all the Bond movies again; more on that later.

Then hubby went to get girl-child (I later went and picked up boy-child because he had a Cross Country party and didn't get done until 4:30) and when she came home, she almost flipped out about her room suddenly being mostly clean, but checked herself before a Full-blown Flip actually occurred and decided to help.  I think she decided to help to make sure nothing else got thrown away, but I’d been kind and hadn’t relieved her of anything she truly loved even though I was sorely tempted.  (Remember that hashtag?  #overit.) 

Anyway, we sorted books, stuffed animals, dolls, clothing…  It occurs to me the kid has more stuffed animals than she does clothes.  Is that a bad thing?  (Maybe if I could get her to wear stuff normal kids wear – like jeans – we would be OK but she’s so sensitive about her clothes and how they fit and the way they feel it’s hard to buy her anything she’ll actually wear.  And sometimes we buy something she loves but when we get it home and try to actually wear it, she decides it won’t work and will never touch it again.  This occurs after we’ve washed it and thrown away all the tags so returning it isn’t possible.  So frustrating.  Ok – I just left the tracks in true Tangent style…)

Boy-child had Scouts, so while he and Hubby were off doing boy-stuff, the girls (that’s us) hung out.  I taught her how to properly make her bed (including hospital corners), and then we played checkers, where she promptly – solidly and legitimately – beat me.  Little stinker.  She wanted to learn how to play chess, and at some point in my life I knew how (Grandma Tennie taught me) but it’s been so long I couldn’t remember.  So off to the good old inter of net and I started teaching girl-child about the pieces; what they’re called and how they move.  Memory served me pretty well, but the internet helped where my memory failed.  We didn’t actually get into a game, because by that time it was late, but we had fun.  She giggled – a lot – when I called the Bishop “The little frowny dude.”  I think that’s what he’ll be ever after in our house.

Anyway – with the cleaning and the normal life stuff and just hanging out with kiddos it was late before I knew it.  I did watch Dr. No (Hubby, who tried to watch it with me, fell asleep) but after that, and typing up this post, it was lights out.  Back to work tomorrow (Tuesday, as I write this).

I like it when life happens.

TTFN
JMS