My pants are wet...and other nonsense

There once was a girl from Nantucket...

Okay, Connecticut.  Close enough, right?

***

Besides kids, coffee, and cats, do you know what my favorite thing is?  You don't?  Good, because neither do I.  Probably music.  Or food.  Yeah, food is always good.  But music is food for the soul, and that's equally as important.

***

The parking lot behind the building where I work is not large enough to accommodate everyone who works in the building.  Also, folks who work in other buildings park there, too, because they'd rather do that than park any further away.  What that means is, I have to park quite a ways from the building.  On most days, it's not an issue.  I don't mind walking.  But this morning, not only did I have a bunch of stuff to bring into the building for our annual holiday party, but it was pouring rain.  I was loaded down!  So now, my pants are wet.  My boots are wet.  My socks are wet because my boots apparently leak.  And, as an observation and a public safety message, it is difficult, not to mention un-fun (yes, it is a word), to try to juggle both an umbrella, and a box containing a carefully prepared red berry fruit salad, without fumbling anything.

***

Contrary to belief, I am not a horrible, nagging hag.  I do not live to annoy you.  Not everything which comes out of my mouth is intended to be snippy.  I apologize if my normal voice offends you, but sometimes it's hard to maintain this sweet personality everyone knows and loves.  (Say nothing further and I might allow you to keep your appendages.  "Fezzik, tear his arms off!")  Lots of folks have said how nice I am (which is wonderful and makes my heart soar) and my automatic, and honest, response is, "Well then I guess you don't know me very well!"

***

I've always wondered...

Why can't people shut doors, or turn off lights, or not pee on the toilet seat?

Why didn't God gift me with more musical talent?

Why am I not smarter?  Or, rather, why do things which seem so simple for some people confuse the heck outta me?

Why can't I convince my kids that clean rooms are a good thing?

***

Just some random ramblings on a rainy Tuesday.

TTFN
JMS

Dwarfs, Coffee and Chocolate

So, you know the Seven Dwarfs, right?  Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful and Doc…?  Well, a very good friend and I have decided that there must be others; long lost dwarf cousins, if you will.

Some days I wake up and am at least two of the seven original dwarfs.  Typically Sleepy and Grumpy, or maybe Dopey and Grumpy.  Other mornings, adding allergies, I am also Sneezy.  I’m rarely Bashful; I’m only Doc when I’m tending to boo-boos; Happy is a relative term on which I have had the occasional occasion to be.

Anyway, it stands to reason that Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful and Doc were not the only dwarfs in the world.  Maybe the only ones in that region, though.  It further stands to reason that as humans we all have innumerable feelings, thoughts and yes, even personalities.  (I’m not talking about split personalities or other such disorders.  Just that sometimes we put on one face for our families, another face for our co-workers, and yet another for our friends or our church folks or our school mates.  We are rarely just...ourselves; the societal pressure is too high.  That, however, is another post for another time.)  So why couldn’t we, therefore, relate ourselves to the dwarfs?  

More than that, the original seven could not possibly cover everything we could be, so my friend and I invented the dwarf cousins: Drippy, Gassy, Ouchy, Messy, Pissy, Sweetness and Light, along with Bitchy, Twitchy, Crabby, Crampy, Prissy, Missy and Wino.  (You may, or may not, need to use your imagination.)  We think this pretty much covers all the bases.

So, in my case, this terribly tangential analogy boils down to this:  If I’m Grumpy, give me coffee; it usually helps.  Either that, or just leave me alone for a while and let me recharge.  If I’m Sleepy, give me coffee.  Or, at the very least, point me toward a bed and force me to take a nap.  Naps are good.  Why don't we have daily nap times anymore?  If I’m Sneezy, give me coffee as the warm liquid always makes me feel better; maybe also an allergy pill...but then Sleepy will be along shortly.  If I’m Dopey, coffee will give me focus.   

Essentially, if you notice that I’m any of the original Dwarfs, just ply me with coffee and I’ll come around pretty soon.  That, or chocolate.  Chocolate is always good, too.  If I'm one of the cousins, well...I'm not sure there's a cure for any of them.

TTFN
JMS

Tidbits

I'm getting old.

I find my lack of Christmas Spirit is disturbing.  (See what I did there, you Star Wars fans?)

Did I already mention I'm getting old?

My coffee tastes like rancid cat urine, but I'm so desperate for caffeine right now that I don't care.  And yes, I know that's gross.  

Puppets are fun.  They give me an opportunity to be someone else for a little while.  The kids found a Lambchop puppet the other day and hubby bought it for me.  I'm no Shari Lewis, but I think I can probably make this work.  At least it will be fun to try.

I need the following VITs (Very. Important. Things.):

• Someone to fix my bathroom.  We have one bathroom in the house and it's kinda falling apart.  Anyone feel like donating expertise?  Tools?  Time?  Funds?  I would very much like to avoid taking a bath in a tub that has fallen into the crawl space below the house.
• New bedroom furniture.  At least a new bed.  I don't think I, or my hubby, can take any more waking up in pain every morning.
• Living room furniture.  Notice I did not say NEW living room furniture?  We don't have any.  Having good friends who just got new furniture admittedly makes me a tad jealous, but truthfully, I'd take just about any sofa that doesn't smell of the above-mentioned rancid cat urine, cigarettes, or body odor.  And yes, I know that's gross, too.
• Sleep.  A lot of sleep.

However, even though I'm a Grinch this year, and feeling like I need to seriously win the lottery, I am trying to foster a thankfulness mentality in my children - to be constantly thankful.  Therefore, I am thankful for my house and the fact that my house has bathroom at all, the coffee I do have, my sweet family, my job, the little space heater that keeps me from freezing at the office, my little car, being able to read, the calendar above my monitor that reminds me tomorrow is another day, the Dilbert cartoon on my wall which makes me smile, the little hand-made notes and pictures my kiddos make for me, the cardboard trophy given to me by girl-child proclaiming me to be the best mom in the world, coffee (don't care if I've already said it), puppets, and chocolate and mint flavored candies.  The list of things I am thankful for far outweighs the things that should fall into the deepest, darkest pits of Moria.

This will probably be the last post of 2015 so hope your holidays are merry and bright and that your New Year celebrations are life affirming!

TTFN
JMS

Some bullet-points on camping

I’m not particularly fond of camping.  I’ve gone camping lots of times, and it’s kind of okay, and maybe even a little bit fun the first night, but after that I’m ready to go home.  In no particular order, here are a few of the things I really dislike about camping:

• Coffee.  More accurately, the extreme shortage of decent coffee in less than copious quantities.  Some people love “cowboy coffee” – I am not one of those people.  However, when my survival (and others’) is in question, I will chew the coffee if I have to.
• Lack of a temperature-controlled environment.  I dislike being damp and sticky, as if moss is growing on my back almost as much as I dislike losing feeling in my fingers and toes.
• Spiders.  Other bugs I can usually handle.  Spiders?  Not so much.
• The underside of those picnic tables – concrete or wood, doesn’t matter.  It’s difficult to know what might be lurking there unless I look, but once I look, I regret it.  See “Spiders” above.
• Walking in the dark to find a bathroom.  Did I mention spiders already?

But on the other hand, there are several things I kind of like about camping: 

• Family time.  Uninterrupted by electronics.
• Campfires.  Everything about them.  Especially gooey marshmallows on sticks and the way my clothes smell like campfire for days afterward.
• Sleeping in a tent is sort of cool, unless it’s raining.
• Exploring.  Especially exploring through the eyes of my kiddos.  What wonders they behold.
• Hiking.  I used to hate it, but then I was either a smoker, or overweight.  Now, I am neither.  It’s difficult, and sometimes there are spiders, but I enjoy hiking a lot more now.

Here’s what I’ve learned on a recent Girl Scout “camping” trip:

• Not everyone has camping skills.  Even with as few opportunities to camp as I’ve had, I have far more camping skills than a good many people.   This isn’t a negative thing, exactly.  I guess I’ve camped out more than I thought.
• I know how to make foil pockets for cooking individual meals over a fire and also possess the ability to teach others how to make their own foil pockets.
• I don’t want to lead, but get so frustrated when witnessing others fumbling around with something that seems simple and logical to me.  Again, this isn’t a negative thing, exactly.
• Camping without my family is no fun at all.  Camping with virtual strangers is even less fun.
• Gaggling, giggling, gabbing girls.  Yikes.  Like, this is just so annoying!  Like, every time I come across a, like, gaggle of these giggling girls I want to, like, smack a couple of them into silence.  (Please, reign your troops in and get them to take a breath occasionally?)
• It is absolutely true that one strong, knowledgeable leader can make or break the entire experience.
• Camp names must be given to you by someone else; you cannot choose your own.
• Sleeping in a room with 18 girls and 6 adults is a challenge in so many ways.
• I don’t think I’m cut out for Girl Scouts.  I tried to be a Brownie Scout when I was 6.  I went to exactly two meetings and quit.  Didn’t like it then; don’t like it now.  However, I will do my very best not to color my daughter’s experience with my negativity.

TTFN
JMS

Observations and such

The gray and charcoal colored, dense nap, industrial carpet in my office is in desperate need of being vacuumed.  I could do it.  I know where the machine is.  I don't want to interrupt folks trying to work.

***

Girl-child woke up happy this morning.  Apparently the cheerfulness was directly related to a much-anticipated field trip.  She should have a field trip every day, if it means she's going to wake up with a smile on her face.  (Note to self: Coffee is, unfortunately, still not an option for her.  She’s only 8.)

***

I have a bright orange, squishy, stress-relief ball on my desk.  It has a black smiley face wearing sunglasses printed on it.  While I appreciate the squishiness, and the stress-relieving qualities it possesses, I am slightly put off by the smiley face.  It taunts me.  It seems in direct opposition to the purpose of the object itself.

***

Did you know the word "that" is overused?  I've been consciously aware of my own personal overuse of this particular word and have been making a concerted effort to eliminate it, except where absolutely necessary.  Trust me…it's not as easy as it sounds.

***

Many people spent the last months complaining about the cold and lamenting a lack of warm weather.  The cold doesn't bother me much, unless I'm cold when I should be warm.  (This makes sense, if you think about it.)  During the winter months I'm usually okay.  Spring is a wonderful time of awakening and greening and chirping birds and new life and growth.  It's quickly becoming one of my favorite times of year.  I've always been fond of autumn.  I still am fond of autumn.  I don't think spring will ever overshadow my love of autumn, but it's running a very close second right now.  Here's the problem, though.  This year, spring flew by too quickly.  Granted, technically we're still in spring, calendar-wise, but now we're dealing with eighty degree days and frankly, I'm just not ready for that kind of heat yet.  I will take the cooler, dryer weather over the heat and humidity any day.

***

I have officially lost twenty six pounds.  Not really an observation so much as a fact, I suppose, but one I'm glad to be able to share.  I still have just over seventeen pounds to go in order to reach my goal weight, but this is big.  This is huge.  No, I was.  Now I'm…not.  Or, at least, I'm getting there.  And that's a good thing. 

TTFN
JMS

The Pecking Order of Stuffed Animals

It’s a still dark outside, bleary-eyed, heavy-headed, shuffling, door-jamb-holding, not-enough-coffee-in-the-world kind of morning.  And no, I’m not hung over.  What I am is sleep and caffeine deprived.  Plus, like everyone else (or, most everyone else) I am dealing with the loss of an hour in my day which, apparently, affects me more strongly in my middle-age than in my younger, stronger, thinner years.  I feel thoroughly abused this morning.

***

I officially have an eight year old.  Good grief, where has the time gone?  Yesterday, we spent a wonderful day celebrating girl-child’s birthday, which included lunch, a trip to Build-a-Bear, an afternoon on a trampoline in a friend’s back yard, and making pizza.   Her new bear (which is really a tiger, I am told) is “Izzy” and, according to girl-child, going to have some trouble making friends with the other animals...especially “Cathy” – the stuffed golden retriever she got from Build-a-Bear on her birthday last year. 

Cathy has been girl-child’s constant companion every day for the last year and is very obviously a well-loved friend.  Last night, girl-child made it very clear that Cathy tends to be a little jealous of newcomers and made a big show of introducing Cathy to Izzy and explaining that they needed to learn to get along.  Cathy grudgingly allowed Izzy to sleep next to girl-child last night as it was Izzy’s first night in the house.  I suggested to girl-child that she rotate nights snuggling with her stuffed friends, to which she replied, “We’ll see, mom.  Cathy will have to decide.”  

The jury is still out.

TTFN

JMS

It all happened so fast

You know how they say when you’re in danger, everything becomes really clear?  Well, I can attest to that now.  And that “it all happened so fast” statement is also true.  This morning, while driving to work in all the leftover slush and snow, on badly-plowed roads, I did something I’d never done before, and honestly, it all happened so fast I’m not 100% sure how it happened.  The entire incident, start to finish, took about 30 seconds.

Anyway – there I was…driving to work, on a road I travel every day.  On a good day, the speed limit on that road is 40 (maybe 45, I can’t remember right now) mph.  I was going maybe 30 mph, tops.  Like I said, the roads were pretty sloppy and I’m pretty careful.  I think I hit a pothole (that, of course, I couldn't see because it was covered with the slushy mess) and suddenly the back end of my car is slowly spinning around like it’s trying to do-si-do with the front end of my car. 

I took my foot off the accelerator, left the brake pedal alone and I remember clearly thinking, “Steer into the skid, steer into the skid” – trying to recall my driver’s education training.  And then it was over.  I was facing the wrong direction completely stopped in the median.  

In my next moment of clarity I thought, “Threat assessment!  Where are you?”  I looked up and took note that this normally busy road was completely and totally empty.  There was not another driver to be seen and I was on one of the straight-away stretches!  What luck!  If this had happened on any regular morning (which I doubt it would have) the danger at that point would have been getting tagged by another car.  

I thought, “If I’m not actually stuck here (which was a distinct possibility), I should be able to reverse and get myself out of here.”  And that’s exactly what I did.  I popped it into reverse, tapped on the gas and my car responded right away.  I turned around the right way and continued on to work; myself and my car no worse for the wear.  I was shaken up, yes – but totally unharmed.  And yes, I still had a cup of coffee when I got to work.

This little incident isn’t going to deter me from driving to work in similar conditions, though admittedly, it might have if this had happened ten years ago.  I know now, in a situation like that, I can keep my cool and not flip out.

Go me.

TTFN

JMS

Vice grips on gray matter (aka: Headaches)

I am, unfortunately, one of the myriad humans prone to headaches.  Granted, since giving up soda my headaches occur less frequently than they used to, but I do still get them.  And boy, today’s headache is turning out to be a doozy.  I’m pretty sure it’s weather related, but so far three Tylenol and two cups of Death Wish Coffee haven’t touched it.  It’s ratcheting up and is beginning to affect my vision, which ticks me off to no end.

Mostly, beside the pain of a headache, it’s all the other things that go along with the vice grip on my gray matter which irritate me the most.  Light sensitivity, for example.  Years ago, I had an infection in my left eye which, after all was said and done, left me hyper-sensitive to light.  At first they thought it was pink eye, but when the treatment they were giving me only seemed to make things worse, they looked elsewhere and came up with Endophthalmitis.  Don’t ask me to pronounce it.  It was no picnic, I can tell you.  But after visiting the eye doctor every other day for about three months, losing 70% of the vision in my left eye, hearing the panic in my parents’ and doctors’ voices over concern for my continued ability to see, the infection petered out.  I was left with hyper-sensitivity to light and, at least for a few months afterward, had to wear these stupid blue-tinted glasses that (from what I recall) were supposed to filter out a particular kind of light.  (I’m no doctor, and I’ve probably forgotten a lot about this whole incident because honestly…?  It was terrifying and therefore I have conveniently blocked a lot of it out.)

All that being said, it’s part of the reason that the continued light sensitivity issues I’ve carried with me since that infection are so irritating when a killer headache invades.  Also, when the headaches are at their peak, there is sensitivity to smell, sound, touch…  Basically, anything except a dark room and sleep, and even then sometimes the bed sheets are annoying.

This is a good visual representation of
ophthalmic migraine aura.
http://www.kopzorgen.nl/images/aura.jpg

I also get ophthalmic migraines which are these strange, pulsing, geometric sort of things (an aura, they call them) that begin in the left side of my field of vision and flash through the front of my vision, eventually fading out.  They’re painless, generally, though afterward I am usually exhausted and so must sleep for a bit.  These are much less frequent than the regular old painful migraines, but they’re so odd I must include them.

I know that many of you, my loyal readers, are sufferers, too – and some are not.  It’s hard to explain to people who don’t get migraines how debilitating they really can be.  Frequently I find that when trying to talk to a non-sufferer they can be less than sympathetic, bordering on rude or openly unfeeling.  Just take a pain killer, is usually their response.  At that point, even bothering to try to explain that painkillers don’t always do the trick is simply worthless.

Jen…do you have a point?

Not really, I guess.  It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever written about what it is to suffer from these headaches and supposed that there would be a few of you out there who might be able to commiserate with me.  Plus, this blog is a lot about sharing my experiences and thoughts on things both normal and nonsensical so….why can’t I write about headaches?

Plus, I like the title of this post.  It suits my appreciation for all things weird.

TTFN

JMS