Me. Me. and um... Me.

So Greta is officially done getting nutrition from me. It isn't because she bites (she seems to have figured out that biting upsets mommy). It isn't because I'm over it (though after almost a year, you'd think I would be). It's because I'm finally back on allergy and asthma meds and Greta would wind up getting those meds through me and that is probably not such a good idea. I'm extremely happy to be back on these medications because for two days now, I've not needed to take my rescue inhaler once. Not once. I was so out of whack with my allergies and asthma that I was taking my rescue inhaler at least three or four times per day!!! Entirely too often - and I knew it. I had a rattle in my right lung that wouldn't go away and when I'd try to cough it away the coughing irritated my lungs so I wheezed more. Then, I'd cough more because of the wheezing and put myself right into an asthma attack. It was a cycle that repeated itself over and over again. It happened mostly at night for some reason, but then during the day I was getting winded just walking across the office or carrying Greta from the kitchen to her bedroom. I realized I was planning my activities (like walking to the restroom from my desk at the office) around how I felt; how well I was breathing. "This," I said to myself, "is not good." When I was at the doctor's office on Monday, I spent 20 minutes sobbing (yes, sobbing) about wanting to feel better and be able to breathe and carry and play with my kids without worrying about putting myself into an attack! I cried about the lump in my neck (thyroid...having an ultrasound on the soft tissue of my neck to see what's up today...I'll keep you posted) and how it was swollen last Wednesday or Thursday and was so tender to the touch and that I was probably one of those patients the doctors hate because I research things and try to self-diagnose and am convinced I have symptoms of hypothyroidism. (Doc agreed...hence, ultrasound and blood work.) I cried about the headaches and lack of sleep and depression and my inability to lose weight... (Doc says all symptoms of hypothyroidism!!!) And I sniffled through an explanation on how I was interested to know if my ADD could be controlled with meds because I was sick of feeling crazy and scattered all the time. So now I'm back on allergy and asthma medication, but the doctor says she doesn't want to add any meds for ADD or depression until she finds out what's up with my thyroid. She says that because hypothyroidism can be attributed to depression symptoms and, surprisingly, some ADD symptoms she wants to know for certain the outcome of all the tests before treating me for ADD and/or depression. Good. I just want to feel human again. I just want to be normal and useful to my family. Maybe, at last, after may weeks, months, years of suffering like this, I'm on the right track - on all my issues. I'll keep you posted! TTFN JMS