Emotional Basket Case - that's me

My little guy...my Charlie Bug...is four years old now and I don’t know why, but that has me very emotional. On Tuesday night, I went to dinner with my very good friend Barb and her little son (who is Charlie’s age) and, of course, Greta was with us, too. I felt on the verge of tears all night and could barely talk about Charlie or his birthday without getting that hot, stinging sensation under my eye lids and a painful lump in my throat. Of course, I cry at just about everything, though, so I guess being emotional over my first-born child’s fourth birthday is nothing all that news-worthy. But I don’t remember being this emotional for any of his other birthdays – not even his first one! I was not emotional when Greta turned one just a couple of weeks ago. I mean, aside from being utterly exhausted and (unknowingly) on the verge of the flu, I felt pretty good! I had family and friends, all of whom I love very much, at our house and I had a wonderful time! Our friend, Kevin, will probably be laughing his head off right about now. Kevin, as most of you probably remember, is the choir director at our church. He, his lovely (and currently pregnant) wife Nikki, and their little daughter have become good friends over the last couple of years. (I have a point...) Kevin, I am sure, chooses the music the choir sings with two things in mind: 1) The level of difficulty, which is always a factor for any director. He has to consider the ability of his singers and weigh that against the piece he chooses. Our choir is extremely talented and strong vocally, so the difficulty of a piece probably doesn’t sway him too much one way or the other in his decision. 2) Will the piece he chooses, when sung during live church services while the sanctuary is crowded with the faithful, make Jen cry? If he thinks the answer is yes...than that’s his piece. If the answer is no, he might do the piece anyway, but I think he’s less inclined to “make the most of it.” Needless to say, by the time the choir’s anthem comes around during services, I’m teary and lumpy-throated anyway because we’ve already sung several hymns – which usually get me, too – so the anthem is just icing on the cake. I can see Kevin up there, sitting quietly in his seat eyeing me, wondering: “Is she crying? Did we do a good job?” I think he’s mean to me. I think he’s taking advantage of me being an emotional basket case by choosing those pieces! (Whoa – I didn’t intend to write about all that, but there it is. It’s funny what comes out of my fingertips when I just write whatever...you know?) I’m still weepy today. I’m starting to panic now about Charlie’s party. What if it’s too cold? What if it’s raining? It’s now a 20% chance of rain and it’s supposed to be 62° out...is that still OK for an outside party? I need to clean my house just in case! The party is on SATURDAY!!! What if I have to have all these people at my house? I mean, it worked for Baby Greta’s party because most of the guests were adults. But, Charlie’s going to have at least 6 kids his age there, and a couple kids who are older, and if I consider the mess that Charlie’s room was after Greta’s party – then I’m in for a HUGE mess after his! Oh well...I guess what’s going to happen will happen, right? Wish me luck! TTFN JMS