Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Personal Phobia

I heard something today about a new phobia.  Well, I guess it's not all that new because I can find references to it dating as far back as 2008 (tee hee) - but it's new to me.  It's called 'Nomophobia' - the fear of being out of mobile phone contact or without your mobile phone.  (Side note, and coincidentally, a friend left her iPhone at home today and stated on Facebook that the world did NOT end.  I would say she does not have Nomophobia.) 

I have an unexplanible fear of...well...I don't really know what to call it.  If it has an official phobia name.  I am really not even sure how to describe it, exactly.  But I will do the best I can.  (What is that thing...the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem?)

I am 38 years old and have never gone to college.  There.  I've said it.  It's out in the open and my shame is there for all to see.  Yes, I am shamed by this.  I SHOULD have gone to college but due to several circumstances (situational, financial and emotional) I did not.  I want to go to college.  Not just pretend I'm somewhat smart, but actually be able to PROVE that I am.  Have that little piece of paper that I can show others which says that I am capable of...well...whatever.

But I can't.

I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of going to school.  I don't know what it is but even WRITING about it, as I am now, has landed me on the sharp edge of a panic attack.  I'm actually weeping.  This totally sucks.

I don't know what to do to get over this.  Forget the fact that I don't have any money and couldn't actually afford to go if my fear were to suddenly and magically disappear. 

If anyone out there still reads my blog (because I've gotten so bad about keeping up with it) please, please, PLEASE help me figure out what is wrong with me?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, I found your blog looking for an answer to my own weird phobia, so far I have not encountered an answer for it or anybody with the same phobia... But I have learned this, Usually a phobia has relation to something traumatic that happened to us at some point in our lives. The trick is find out what it is and work with it (hypnosis would probably be the best way), so far i don´t know why I am so terrified of pictures of nebulas... ( I told you it was a weird phobia, thank God we do not encounter nebulas in our daily life!!)