Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Passive Aggressiveness

It’s been a few days since my last post. I’m getting over an “I totally suck” mental-state, so bear with me. I’m still fragile.


I received the following note on my desk this morning:

"Dear Infidel,
You allowed someone to sit at my desk.
They stole my staple remover.
In order to bring balance back to the Universe, I was forced to take yours."

[clip art of staple remover]

[clip art of Buddha]


On the one hand, I can understand that the writer’s intent was probably to be amusing. I get that. I truly do. And I am inclined to find it amusing. I must find it amusing or it will make me mad. That being said let me explain to you, my dear reader, why I’m also inclined to be ticked off. I shall break it down for you:

Dear Infidel. Do I need to point out that I am not, in fact, an infidel? Wikipedia says that the word “infidel” (literally “one without faith”) is a term used in religions…for one who has no religious beliefs…"  You can look that up. And anyone who knows me knows how far that term is from the truth. It is insulting, even if it is, I hope, meant to be amusing.

You allowed someone to sit at my desk. Well, no, actually I didn’t. It is against company policy. I don’t have a copy of said policy in my hand, but I'm sure it exists. Not only that, but in so far as I am a rule-follower, I would never allow someone to sit at someone else’s desk.  Ever.  Period.

They stole my staple remover. And a staple remover is so very difficult to replace? Or, taken another way, there is an entire cabinet of office supplies just around the corner from wherever it is you sit…did you not think to look there? And if your precious staple remover was red, have you been relegated to the basement and are you possibly expecting a paycheck? (Some of you will get that, and others won’t. Stapler vs. Staple Remover – I think I can abuse the parallel.)

In order to bring balance back to the Universe, I was forced to take yours. You are very welcome and I hope it brings you many years of happiness and usefulness. My reaction to finding my staple remover missing would have been to sigh (the level of said sigh based exclusively upon my immediate need for said staple remover), get my butt up, walk to the supply cabinet, and grab another one. We’ve got, like, twenty of them. They cost about $0.25 to replace. If your Universe has now balanced itself, all should be right with your world, and therefore all is right with mine. I am happy to share.

But here's the rest of the story.  I leave the office at 4PM.  This was as true last Friday as it was any other day of the week unless alternate arrangements have been discussed with and approved by my boss.  The note was not there Friday afternoon when I left, and there were very few people in the office, most having already gone home for the long weekend or taken the day off.  Then we had Saturday and Sunday.  Weekend days.  Probably no one decided to come to the office on those days.  Then Monday was a Holiday.  The office was closed.  Who, in their right mind, would come to the office on a day they didn't have to?  Beyond me.  So that leaves Friday afternoon after I left the office.  Which means, that the writer of this note waited until I left that evening to place the note on my desk.  Passive aggressive much?

Now that I have said my piece, I will share with you my passive aggressive response:

I think I am amusing. Now, please tell me, who is inclined to be ticked off?


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