My son lives in a tunnel.
Ok, not really. He lives in a
small house with his mother, father, sister and Facha, the dog. (Ok – not really the dog, either. Sorry – I lapsed into Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant for a
second there.) He lives in a constant state of
whatever is currently in his head, what he’s thinking, where he’s going, what
he’s doing – but only in the sense of however those things affect him. He sees nothing but what is at the end of
that tunnel of thought. You see? He lives in a tunnel.
For such a smart kid (and he is so smart it’s scary) he’s
pretty clueless about the world around him.
Let me give you an example or two.
Tonight after supper, he got out of his chair at the dining
table, pushing it back and into the box behind the chair. Banged himself away from the table loudly,
bumped into his father, and made a bee-line for the only comfy chair in the
room. When he reached the chair, he
hurled himself into it, causing it to slide back and further causing the back
corner of the chair to come into contact with the large window in the living
room. The bottom half of this window is
already cracked I had a moment of apoplexy waiting on the chair to crack the
top half of the window, too. Thankfully,
that didn’t happen. So when I called all
this to his attention, he proceeded to twitch his body in such a way as to
hopefully scoot the chair forward without having to get up. Meanwhile, he’s holding onto an accent pillow
which, as he’s scooting the chair forward, is pushing a glass off the
side-table with each scoot until….CRASH!
Glass hit the floor.
All this occurred over about a 40 second period of
time. I hollered at him out of sheer
frustration and then his father made him leave the room for a little while.
Hubby wrongly assumed I was just being pissy and so I tried
to explain that really, it wouldn’t matter all that much if stuff like this
didn’t happen all the time around our
son. An explanation to which I received
a “Yeah, right,” response.
Ok – moving on.
While I cleared off some stuff from the table, this allowed our
son a few minutes alone in his room so when I called him to come talk to me for
a few minutes, he was angry and defensive.
I explained it like this:
Buddy, you do realize
that there is a whole big world out that that you interact with, and that
interacts with you, on a daily basis?
Everything you do and everything you say affects someone or something
else. Right now, you’re moving through
life in a tunnel and I really need you to come out of that tunnel. All you see is what’s at the end of your
tunnel. Where you’re going. What you’re doing. What your goal is. But you don’t see the things around you that
your journey to the end – to your goal – is affecting. Let me give you an example…
And I proceed to tell him the story of Alice’s Restaurant and the twenty-seven color glossy photographs
with the circles and arrows and a para….wait.
Sorry. I just did it again. I call a do-over!
And I proceed to tell him what I told you above about the
chair and the glass. He was completely oblivious
to everything I said except the sitting down part and the trying to scoot the
chair forward part – until I hollered at him.
He said, “But I don’t always drop stuff, Mom!”
I explained that it wasn’t just dropping stuff and proceeded
to talk about all the times he runs into things, how he sits down by throwing
himself into his seat and gets up by banging into everything he possibly can
and how when he takes a drink he’s so focused on the next thing that he’s not
paying attention to where he’s putting the glass and he nearly always slams it
into his plate.
All of this he laughed at, like I was trying to be funny.
I explained that really, I’m not criticizing. I’m simply trying to help him understand that
everything he does affects something else.
Every single day. Well, of course
then he got upset because he thought I was trying to tell him he was screwing
up on a daily basis, which I was not.
But in his ten-year-old brain, maybe that’s how it all sounded, I don’t
know.
But what I did say was that I wanted him to start paying
attention to the things, the people, the world around him, and how his movement
through the world affected everything else.
He said he would. I probably did
an absolutely awful job at explaining all this to him in a non-threatening
manner and in a way that he could understand my point. I suppose the next few days will tell me if
he heard me, or he actually HEARD me.
This parenting gig is tough.
TTFN
JMS
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