A very long time ago a friend “broke up with me” by telling me they just didn’t have time for one more person in their life. I’m not referring to an ex-boyfriend here; I’m simply referring to a girl I considered a friend. From what I can tell, I was the last person she took on as a friend, and therefore I was the first one she let go. I was horrified by this break up at the time; offended and hurt. I didn’t understand how someone could be so callous and careless with my friendship and end it – POW – so abruptly and with virtually no explanation. And, while I don’t exactly agree with how she went about it, I do – later in my life and with much more experience under my belt – understand the power that drove her to do it.
OK, dear reader, please bear with me.
On the surface, I seem like a pretty outgoing, gregarious, social-butterfly. I do care deeply about people in general and therefore try very hard to make sure that I don’t offend anyone – at least on purpose. I have no doubt that I have offended people in my life, but not with any purposeful intent to do so. To the best of my ability, my manner around others is usually warm and friendly. However, I am not really outgoing. Not really gregarious. (Ok – I might occasionally cop to the social-butterfly thing, but that tends to go along with the caring deeply about people in general thing.) I love just about everyone I know, but I have very few close friends so I choose them very carefully. I guess I’m kind of a conundrum.
Suffice it to say that should you find yourself in my inner circle, my true inner circle, you may feel free to feel quite blessed and special, as you wish. If you find yourself outside of my inner circle, don’t understand me to mean that I don’t like and/or love you. But, though we may have a wonderful relationship/friendship, there is always going to be something holding me back from truly letting you in.
It’s not you, it’s me.
You see what I did there, right?