Do you like to be yelled at?
Does anyone?
DEAR MR. SCHMOE,
YOU, SIR, ARE A BOIL ON THE BUTT OF SOCIETY! YOU HAVE NO IMAGINATION AND NO ABILITY TO DO THIS JOB AND I, FOR ONE, THINK YOU SHOULD BE FIRED! SINCE I HAVE NO AUTHORITY IN THAT MATTER THE ONLY OTHER THING I CAN DO IS YELL AT YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR STUPIDITY! I AM RIGHT AND YOU, SIR, ARE WRONG! I THUMB MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION AND WISH TO DISASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH YOU ENTIRELY!
YOU, SIR, ARE A BOIL ON THE BUTT OF SOCIETY! YOU HAVE NO IMAGINATION AND NO ABILITY TO DO THIS JOB AND I, FOR ONE, THINK YOU SHOULD BE FIRED! SINCE I HAVE NO AUTHORITY IN THAT MATTER THE ONLY OTHER THING I CAN DO IS YELL AT YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR STUPIDITY! I AM RIGHT AND YOU, SIR, ARE WRONG! I THUMB MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION AND WISH TO DISASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH YOU ENTIRELY!
SINCERELY,
MR. DOE
Argument A
Picture, if you will, an email exchange between two
individuals engaged in an electronic argument.
(I shall not make something up here because my ability to argue successfully
extends really only to myself – I tend argue with myself a lot – and to very
few others. Needless to say, debate
class in high school was not my very favorite thing. Though some would say I live to argue, this
is simply not the case.) These two
individuals have allowed their virtual disagreement to escalate to a point
where one user (let’s call him USER 1) has finally lost his ability to reason effectively
and has resorted TO SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS in order to make his point. The other user (let’s call him USER 2), upon
receiving the SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS, sits back in his chair feeling defeated and
thinks: “Well! You don’t have to yell at me!” Followed
by some choice words (fiercely unspoken) directed at USER 1.
Argument B
Imagine, now, this same exchange – however long it may have
been – in person. Two people, standing
nose to nose, both red-faced and obviously ticked off, each about a stones-throw
away from coming to blows. To the
outsider, it is apparent one individual of this duo is the instigator and the
other is simply doing his best to hold his ground and not allow himself to be
bullied. Both are furious with one
another. Both believe they are right and the other is
wrong. The shouting is disruptive to
others around them both in a way that disallows these others to be productive
employees and in a way that makes these others truly uncomfortable. It could be that a few of these others are
interested in this heated exchange in the same way a passer-by might be interested
in a train wreck, but for the most part, people have scattered to other parts
of the building to attend to suddenly urgent duties elsewhere. This argument culminates in one person
finally blowing his top and shouting, “YOU’RE WRONG! YOU’RE JUST WRONG! YOU’RE STUPID, YOU DON’T KNOW THE PRODUCT OR
THE CUSTOMER BASE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!” Whereupon hearing this, the other individual
deflates, says something quietly to the shouter which witnesses can’t really
make out, and slinks off to lick his wounds.
Does the “winner” of either argument actually win? Or is that person simply better able to argue
some point or another and, possibly, better at wearing down his opponent? Does it make the “loser” less right, or his
argument less sound? Granted, it will
depend a lot on the actual argument and since I did not see fit to imagine one
for you we’ll really never know.
But…what does all this
have to do with SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS?
In my most humble of opinions, using SHOUTY CAPITAL LETTERS
in an electronic exchange is, quite simply, unacceptable. I tend to use capital letters if I am trying
to place emphasis on a word or phrase that underlining or italicizing will not draw adequate
attention to. But in those cases, it is usually
very obvious that I am NOT shouting.
I read a story once (well, actually, if I’m being honest I’ve
read this particular story multiple times) about a group of Solomon Islanders
who had an ancient practice of felling trees by yelling at them. (All I
Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum - http://www.robertfulghum.com/) The theory behind this practice was that yelling
killed the spirit of the tree and so it died and fell over.
I believe that being yelled at does, indeed, kill one’s
spirit. Especially if one is yelled at
often and for an extended period of time.
To make one cower before you by the very act of yelling – out of anger,
frustration, intent or intensity of feeling – is a lowly act and one that only
makes you a bully. Yes, there are
absolutely reasons why yelling, on occasion, is warranted; but only on occasion. If you go around yelling at people all the
time, will you have any friends? Will
anyone truly love you and will you be able to truly love? Will anyone respect you? Listen to you? Act on your words or simply ignore you?
Ending an argument by so thoroughly defeating your opponent
is akin to abuse and yes, in some cases, even murder. Do you really wish to kill someone’s spirit
by yelling at them? I believe there are
much better ways to win an argument and that, my friends, requires finesse, an
adequate understanding of, and ability to use, the English language, and a
genuine desire to make your point without completely steamrolling your opponent.
Just some food for thought.
TTFN
JMS
JMS
(Cross Posted: http://tananda.com)
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