Fact: My mother
died from breast cancer which had metastasized to other areas (bone, lung) when
I was fifteen years old.
Fact: I’m having
a mammogram screening on Wednesday at the Mobile Mammography Unit (Boob Bus) which will
be at my office.
Fact: I’m
terrified.
I’m terrified that I’ll hear those dreaded words, “You’ve
got Cancer.” I dealt with a cancer scare
nearly three years ago when they removed my thyroid, so what’s to say that I’m
not going to hear the same thing, now? The Big C.
I’m terrified that I’ll wind up leaving my kids the way my
mom left me.
I’m terrified that my kids will grow up without me. That I won’t be part of their lives; to see
them graduate, get jobs, get married, have babies. That they’ll be treated differently when
their friends learn about what poor, motherless children they are.
I know I’m projecting.
I know I need to get out of my own head.
I talked with my best friend, who has an uncanny way of finding the one thing that will make me feel better
when I’m hyper-emotional. She said, “Honey, you’re getting your boobs squished
on a bus! I think you need to save the
anxiety for if they find something
and then have to go in with a needle!”
Of course, the whole boobs-squished-on-a-bus
comment made me laugh, so then I felt better.
Mostly.
There’s still anxiety in there. And really, no woman really likes this part of being female. But, though I do feel better about the actual
exam, I still could use all the thoughts, prayers, and good vibes you can send
my way.
TTFN
JMS
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