Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Life Skills Resume -OR- Mommy Magic

I was thinking about what my resume might look like if I were simply honest.  I mean, not that my resume isn’t honest – it totally is – but it’s honest work stuff and not necessarily honest life stuff.  Does that make sense?  I mean, resumes are supposed to be all about how awesome you are at your job; the stuff you do that earns you a paycheck.  But what if we got paid for knowing and doing and being other stuff? 

For example:

SUMMARY:  Hard-working, committed mother of two with over 42 years of experience in the field of General Life.  Extensive background in service and commitment with a well-established ability to sacrifice for the sake of others.  Ability to meet important deadlines and complete homework projects.  Solid Internet research skills and a familiarity with multiple technical medias as they relate to networking and child appropriateness levels.  Child-friendly with ability to entertain biological children as well as children of others in a trusted, safe environment where they are encouraged to thrive.  Strong written, verbal, and interpersonal skills coupled with an ability to win in a family- or self-driven environment. 

EDUCATION: School of Hard Knocks


  • Proper coffee making
  • Proper table setting
  • Proper bed making
  • Basic Mathematics
  • Strong English Language vocabulary and grammar
  • Proficient reading
  • Excellent table manners
  • Good hygiene, oral and body
  • Above-average technical
  • Quirky fashion sense
  • Don’t have to keep up with The Jonses
  • Extensive knowledge of Alone-Time benefits and recuperative powers
  • Deep, enduring and life-affirming animal appreciation

I could add stuff like:

  • Can make a campfire
  • Can make macaroni and cheese
  • Can pour without spilling
  • Can color within the lines
  • Can be serious or silly, depending on need
  • Am thought to have certain magical abilities to include: having eyes in the back of my head, Extra Sensory Perception, Trouble identification, Boo-boo Care, and the ability to make red lights turn green with a wave of my fingers
  • Am known to have a direct line to Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny (et al) and can contact any and all on short notice with behavior updates

I wonder what one would get paid for skills such as these?  Should my General Life job be considered my second job, or should it be considered my first job, and my job-job would then become my second job?  Am I confusing you yet?

Something to consider.  

My brain hurts.  I think I need coffee.  Or a glass of wine.


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