Wardrobe Malfunctions

I spent some of last night getting my outfit ready for today. (The significance of today is that it’s the day before the BIG event I’ve been planning at the office and the day that all the Grand High Muckety-Mucks start arriving.) After deciding I needed a dressy belt, I went to the “I’d-hate-to-be-here-on-a-Saturday-afternoon” hell that is commonly referred to as “Wally-World”. While I was there, Hubby called me and suggested I might want to pick up something else to wear instead of the beige blazer he was desperately trying to iron for me. (Yes, Hubby does iron…and cook…and do laundry…I’m a very lucky girl.) So I picked myself up a sweater set that’s sort of a dusty plum color (love it), and found my dressy belt (exactly like I had in mind), and er…added one pair of shoes to my collection (which Hubby will probably groan about). Anyway – after performing some at-home dry cleaning to my new sweater set, organizing my stuff for the morning, and doing a few other things, it was time for bed. This morning I got up, showered (if I’m going to tell the story you need ALL the details, sorry), got dressed and left for work. On my way out of town, I stopped at Walgreens to pick up my allergy meds and a small box of safety pins. I wanted to pin up the tank top part of my sweater set because I felt it was a little low, if you know what I mean. (I’m looking for Administrative Professional here, not Slutty Secretary.) So I’m in and out of Walgreens in less than 5 minutes, drive the 13 miles to my office, get out of the car, say hello to the Security Guard who is trying to raise the flag (in the rain) get to the door and realize, “Oh Damn! I don’t have my badge!” This is an issue because not only can I not get in the door, but I can’t clock in! The Security Officer says, “Well, I can’t let you in without a badge before the doors are unlocked. I have no way of knowing that you are or are not supposed to be here!” This means that I need to get back in my car, call Hubby to let him know what I’ve done, call my boss to let him know I’m an idiot, drive the 13 miles back home, to retrieve the badge that Hubby has kindly placed on the front door knob as he headed off back to bed. Here’s the fun part. I get out of my car in my driveway and begin to make my way to the front door and realize I’m feeling a draft; a draft in a place where a properly dressed professional should not feel a draft. I reach behind me to investigate, and to my horror discover that the zipper to my black, knee-length, linen skirt is wide open! How long I’ve been wandering around the world with my A-double-S hanging out is anyone’s guess; but all I can say is that I KNOW I closed it before I left the house. It must have eased its way down during my morning errands. I quickly rectified the atrocity that had become my outfit while standing on the front porch of my little house, made certain the offending zipper was “locked” in the upright position, grabbed my badge off the door knob, drove 13 miles back to the office, and still managed to clock in at exactly 8:00 AM. Am I good, or am I good? I know this post probably falls under the category of TMI (too much information), but I had to share my em-bare-ass-ment. (“Laugh it up, Fuzz Ball!”) For those unfortunate witnesses, I’ll simply say that I’m glad to have been able to provide you with a good laugh; mortifying as it was for me. I can take it. (Insert heart-wrenching sob here.) TTFN JMS