Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Letter (ahem...Rant) to That Little Black Car

Dear Little Black Car...

...Who cut me off on Pellissippi Parkway this morning by pulling out in front of me from George Light Rd. I HAD NO WHERE TO GO AND WAS GOING 55 MPH! And, since this is a rant, how stupid are you? Have you ever actually read your Driver's Education Manual? What you did endangered not only your life, but mine and the people traveling beside me - hence the reason I could not simply switch lanes to let your dumb self over. The guy behind me thought quick and wound up having to pull into the street you just pulled out of - did you know that? - to avoid hitting me when I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting YOU. It is a very good thing that, even decaffeinated, I have a decent little car, quick reflexes and a strong awareness of my surroundings. Still...it took me several miles to come down off the rush (read "scare") you gave me. And, just as a matter of note, if I wasn't awake then - which I most certainly was or you and I, and possibly several others, would be dead now - I was definitely awake after that brilliant little stunt you pulled. I suggest you revisit your Driver's Ed Manual immediately or talk to people with more experience than yourself. You're gonna kill someone if you continue to drive with your head shoved so far up your backside that you need a Plexiglas navel to see where you're going.

Alive Because I'm Smarter and Faster Than You

(Credit for the super-awesome Plexiglas insult goes to Gene Roure. My Second Dad and the smartest, most clever guy I know. How many years ago did you tell me that? I've never forgotten it and still consider it the most fantastic insult ever. You Rock!

Now...if I could just find one of those little headlight wipers to go with the Plexiglas navel.)

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