Thursday, February 19, 2015

Fuzzy Teeth

About 2:30 PM, just about every day whilst at my humble place of employment, the cravings begin.  Well, I’m not sure the word “cravings” is exactly the right way to describe it, but let’s just roll with it, shall we? 

Anyway, the first nearly overwhelming craving is for a toothbrush and toothpaste.  It doesn’t matter what foods or beverages I have taken in during the course of the early part of the day, but by 2:30 PM my teeth feel fuzzy and a good brushing is about all that’s stopping me from taking another step or two toward insanity.

The second craving is for another cup of coffee.  You heard me.  It’s not like I haven’t already had two or three cups in the morning – but after about 10:00 AM I tend to slack off in the Coffee Department as things have usually picked up in the Busy Department.  Both departments are necessary, yet they’re very far removed from one another and typically, the employees (liquid and paper) don’t get along well together.  (You like that analogy?)  But by 2:30 PM the desire for another cup is nearly overwhelming.

The thing is, though both cravings are nearly impossible to ignore, coffee is always going to win.

Eeew, Jen!  That’s gross!  Just brush your teeth, for goodness sake!

No!  Hear me out, will ya?

Fine.  This had better be good.

The reason coffee is always going to win is, well…have you ever tasted coffee, even really super amazingly awesome coffee, after having just brushed your teeth?  It’s terrible!  I’m a coffee purist.  No milk.  No sugar.  Just the good old strong black stuff.  But even the good old strong black stuff tastes awful after a good tooth brushing.  It’s akin to drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.  ICK.

OK.  I have to admit it…that’s a pretty good reason.  But still, fuzzy teeth?

               Yeah – I know.  Fuzzy teeth are gross.  But do you want to hear my solution?

Sigh.  Whatever.  I know you’re going to tell me anyway.

I brush my teeth after drinking my coffee.  It’s still kinda gross, but not as awful as it would be if I’d brushed beforehand.

See?  I’m clever like that!

At least I’m not sitting at work at two or three o’clock in the afternoon craving chocolate cake. 

Oooh!  Chocolate cake!

I must go now.


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