Friday, May 15, 2015

We insignificant humans

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A RANT.  A smart, witty, well-worded rant to be sure, but a rant none-the-less.  You may choose to stop reading at this point.  I will not hold it against you. 


I'm pretty sure someone must have taken a hit out on me, considering I was nearly killed (literally or figuratively) no less than three times on a simple outing to the grocery store yesterday.  Thankfully, I managed to maneuver my way out of certain death (or jail time) by being awake, aware and involved. 

Might I impart the following pieces of wisdom? 

1) If you cannot drive it, then don't.  Perhaps you are driving a large vehicle and can barely see over the steering wheel or perhaps you are simply unaware of just how large said vehicle is.  Either way, I suggest you seriously reconsider your form of transportation.  Walking or riding a bicycle both tend to be less injurious to others…like me, for example. 

2) When you back out of a parking space – no matter where you are or what vehicle you are driving – LOOK FIRST!  Whipping out in a heavyweight implement of murderous destruction on wheels and obliviously going on your merry way is unacceptable.  Period.  Inattention to what is going on around (or behind) you tends to get you in trouble when you run someone over…like me, for example.  

3) If you are walking merrily, (merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream) down the street, and suddenly decide you must be on the other side of said street, DO NOT walk out between parked cars and into oncoming traffic.  Not only are you risking your own life and limb, which is just stupid, but you are risking pinning a murder charge on an unsuspecting, law-abiding vehicle operator and sending them away for life…like me, for example.

Not only did I have to endure possible death or dismemberment, but the discourtesy and inconsideration of the prodigious public within the store was simply astounding.  As one small example: I pulled my shopping cart over so I could stand back, out of the way, and politely peruse the selection of granola bars.  A woman barreled through, stopped, stood, looked, found, thought, rethought, and selected – apparently completely unaware she was standing directly in front of me, obstructing my own view and similar (though significantly more considerate) process of selection.  She never gave any indication she even knew I was there, though I suspect she knew exactly what she was doing.  I suppose she and her errands, just in case you were wondering, were infinitely more important than I and mine.

Must I continue to remind you that the world does not revolve around you?  It does, in fact, revolve around the sun, which is far and away more vital than we insignificant humans.  Let's remember our small existence the next time we stray into the disillusion of a greater importance.

That is all.


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