Tuesday, March 28, 2017

ADD and Fine-Grit Sandpaper

There are days when I'm fine. There are days when I'm not. There are days where I feel like a ping pong ball - bouncing relentlessly between the rubberized paddles of "Fine" and "Not Fine," - blows on each side - wondering which one will win. (That makes me think of an A.A. Milne Poem, Waiting at the Window. And then, after thinking of the A.A. Milne poem, I think of my Grandma Tennie, who instilled in me a love of of poetry and antiques, among other things. Geez - I need to get caffeinated, I'm all over the place today; gotta reign in this ADD. I guess there's a reason this blog is called ...Off on a Tangent.)

Today, I am not fine, and I have no explanation for it. Nothing happened. No one said something. No one did anything. I got enough sleep (I think). But, when someone asks, "How are you?" and you burst into tears for no apparent reason, you're not fine. When that person asks, "Oh my gosh! What's wrong?" and you cannot explain any reason for your tears, you're not fine.

How do you explain something to someone for which you, yourself, have no explanation? You cannot. So therefore you say, "I'm fine," through the tears and walk away leaving the other party very confused. I care, and yet cannot care, about that.

So, today, I will tune out. I will plug my ears into some music (current selection: Turnpike Troubadours - a very recent addition to my beloved collection) which will hopefully act as fine-grit sandpaper and smooth out my rough edges. I will throw myself into my work and pray that when I look up, it will be time to go home and, further, that I am able to say I have have done my job in a manner in which I can be proud.

I will go home to my family.

I will do whatever needs to be done.

Today, I will "Do it anyway."


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