Wednesday, March 29, 2017

"I have two words for you: Therapy!"

I feel better today, I think. I'm plugged into Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats which is new to me and yet also very familiar. I love it! It's been good to tune out all the extraneous noise and listen to music; it seems to help me concentrate. Though, admittedly, having to remove my ear buds every time something comes up (which is often) is kind of annoying. But, it is what it is.

Girl-child and I had some bonding time last night, which not only put her in a better frame of mind (she's been a grouch lately) it made me feel better, too.  Kid therapy is great!

Speaking of therapy, the next time I see my doctor (which will be April 4th) I think I'm going to talk to him about seeing a therapist. What does he think about that? Does he know anyone he'd recommend? I've talked about this before - and relatively recently - with a friend of mine, who gave me some very sound advice and a direction to pursue, but none of the arrows I followed led anywhere. So I gave up. Now, granted, I didn't try very hard, but I wasn't ready then. I think maybe I am, now.

As a kid in therapy all I really remember is that my therapist used to like to play Chinese Checkers with me. I'm not sure if it was a method of getting me to just talk about stuff while "focusing" on something else or if she just didn't really know what to do with me. But I saw her for about three years and, other than remembering her name, Chinese Checkers, the way her office looked and smelled, I don't remember gleaning any benefit from it.

As a young adult in therapy, I was mortified. I didn't want to share anything that was super personal, and, though I know I was made to go with the hope that therapy would help me, a troubled young person, I was resentful of it. Yeah, I talked about stuff, but I don't think any of it was useful.

As an adult in therapy - which, truthfully, has been very minimal - I had the unfortunate experience of speaking to someone who, essentially, made things worse. She said stuff to me during our first meeting which, on the one hand made me feel like, "YAY! Someone who gets it! Someone who understands!" but on the other hand, didn't actually HELP me in any way. There was no guidance. Simply, cut the cord and be done with it. Forget about it. Move on. You do not feel the way you feel. I spent three sessions with her, and then decided not to go back. After that experience I've been...shall we say...cautious.

But maybe I'm ready now. I just need to find the right person, who also takes my insurance, who won't just say words they think I need to hear, but will tell me when I'm being a dummy, or if I'm on the right track; provide guidance back to the light and provide a helping hand out of the darkness.

Such a person has to exist in my town, don't they?


PS: Post title is a quote from the movie So, I Married an Axe Murderer. It's a comedy. It's funny. You should check it out.

No comments: