Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Toilet Paper Fairy

I don’t know how Jamie and I got so lucky, but somehow, somewhere, someone saw fit to assign a Toilet Paper Fairy to our house, our family! You know all about Toilet Paper Fairies, right? What? You don’t? Oh, well then – let me fill you in. Toilet Paper Fairies (TPFs) are living, breathing beings that are born and raised only in the forests of the United States. This means that TPFs are rare because our forests are vanishing at an alarming rate and, therefore, so are their homes! They are usually small, usually somewhere between three and four feet tall, and are one of the only varieties of wingless fairies that still exist. In fact, wingless fairies are only found in Ireland and Scotland these days, so to have TPFs in the United States is quite exciting! I digress. Anyway – TPFs spend many years in training, and, after they come of age, they are assigned to a human family. Since TPFs are so rare, not every human family can have one, so great care is taken by the Fairy Elders to decide which human family has the greatest need. Once a TPF has been assigned to a family, the TPF goes to live with them. In most cases, the sudden appearance of a TPF within a human household is somewhat disturbing because humans, for the most part, do not believe in fairies and it takes some time to get over the initial shock. But, for those few families (like us) who do believe, the assimilation of the TPF into the human family is a smooth one and causes little to no upheaval at all. The prime objective, the main goal, the one and only thing TPFs live for is to make certain that there is always a fresh roll of toilet paper on the holder in the bathroom. You’re laughing. I can see you. I’ve researched all this quite extensively so if you don’t believe me you can go fly a kite! Wow, Jen...that was uncalled for! I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m very close to this subject. Our TPF means a lot to me. It’s such a nice service that our TPF provides and you don’t realize what a perk it is until a TPF has been assigned to your family! Such drudgery it is...replacing the toilet paper rolls. Such a difficult chore even I sometimes have trouble accomplishing it. But a TPF has been extensively trained to do this one task with such expertise and precision it will absolutely blow you away! Now, having experienced what it means to have a TPF in the family, I feel sorry for those of you who do not have one. And I’m going to be very rude and selfish here and say that no, I will not share him. He is part of the Shell household now and we love him very much. I can't wait to show him off! Oh...I guess you’re wondering what our TPF looks like? CLICK HERE! TTFN JMS

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