Kiddo Kerfuffle

I wonder why sometimes I have such a short temper. I got so infuriated at Kiddo last night because we've been asking him to pick up the toys in his room for weeks now and it still isn't done. I walked into his room with him after his bath and promptly tripped over a large, yellow, noise-making bulldozer. Aside from the fact that it hurt like the dickens, it really made me angry. In an instant. I yelled at Kiddo that if his toys were not picked up by the time I got home from work today that I was coming in there with a garbage bag and throwing them all away - then I kicked said large, yellow, noise-making bulldozer and sent it skidding across the carpet. One minute I was OK, and the next minute I was seething with anger. *SNAP!* What happened? Not only that, but I think I scared him - which is something I never want to do - because he immediately began crying. I must be the worst mother in history. I quickly tried to walk away so I could cool down for a few minutes, and Kiddo remained in his room crying. The entire kerfuffle only served to make me angry, make Kiddo sad and scared, and it woke up the baby. I told Kiddo to stay in his room and start picking up his toys while I went in to soothe Little Bit. Ten minutes later, Little Bit was sound asleep again and I went in to check on Kiddo's progress and wouldn't you know...he was curled up under his soft, blue, sports-ball blanket sound asleep! It was 7:30. I wonder if he had a nap yesterday? Kiddo had bad dreams and was up and down for the majority of the night. I feel awful. I talked to him on the phone just a few minutes ago, and he said, "Mommy - after I eat my cereal I'm gonna go pick up my toys, OK?" To which I replied, "Thank you, buddy - that would be a very good thing." Can I shower him with love and gifts and kindness and make the hurt feelings all gone? Probably not. I don't want to be one of those mothers that hurts her kids and then tries to make it all better with material things. I need to not be so angry. I need to not fly off the handle at things that really don't make any difference. I need to understand what makes me get crazy like that. Besides, I've said it before and I'll say it again: How can I expect him to keep his room clean when Hubby and I cannot keep the rest of the house picked up? We work on it in spurts, but ultimately it's a disaster all the time. My poor little buddy. I'm done sharing now. TTFN JMS