Thyroid update

Yesterday, I had that ultrasound on my neck to look at my thyroid. The entire process was “underwhelming” (to use a word my friend the Chiropractor uses when describing his method of care) and I am now left to deal with whatever emotions happen to surface at any given moment. Generally - though sometimes spotted with brief bouts of worry – I am unconcerned. The Ultrasound Tech was quite pleasant and asked me which side she needed to focus on; I told her the swelling was on the right side. She had no more touched the little magic wand thingy to my neck before she said, “Oh yeah... Definitely something going on in there.” She said very little during the actual scan, but afterward, she wiped the goo off my neck and had me sit up so she could show me (at my request) what she was looking at. She pointed to a rather large, misshapen blob, with multiple other misshapen blobs inside it, along with a big black “void” right in the middle. She explained that the large blob was the right side of my thyroid, and the multiple blobs inside the big blob were “nodules.” (I thought I heard her say the number 16 when referring to the nodules, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I grabbed that number from thin air. I don’t really remember how many she told me there were.) The black “void” was fluid. She said it looked like a pretty significant amount of fluid to her, but then she was not the radiologist. (I wish that I had thought to ask her for a picture or two...) I asked her what the nodules were and she again said she was not a radiologist and that most likely my doctor would need to refer me to an endocrinologist. I asked her what the endocrinologist would do, and she said that they would most likely perform a biopsy to evaluate tissue and cell structure. The radiologist has to read the ultrasound and then send the report back to my doctor. I’m hoping to hear something soon, but otherwise I really don’t know more than that at this point. Sandy said, “If you hear really really fast, then they’re probably concerned and want to hurry the process along. If you don’t hear quickly, then they’re probably not concerned and you shouldn’t be either.” Not sure how that holds with me, but OK. I've just got to give it to God. He's in charge anyway. Right now, I’m just thankful that I can breathe again! TTFN JMS

Me. Me. and um... Me.

So Greta is officially done getting nutrition from me. It isn't because she bites (she seems to have figured out that biting upsets mommy). It isn't because I'm over it (though after almost a year, you'd think I would be). It's because I'm finally back on allergy and asthma meds and Greta would wind up getting those meds through me and that is probably not such a good idea. I'm extremely happy to be back on these medications because for two days now, I've not needed to take my rescue inhaler once. Not once. I was so out of whack with my allergies and asthma that I was taking my rescue inhaler at least three or four times per day!!! Entirely too often - and I knew it. I had a rattle in my right lung that wouldn't go away and when I'd try to cough it away the coughing irritated my lungs so I wheezed more. Then, I'd cough more because of the wheezing and put myself right into an asthma attack. It was a cycle that repeated itself over and over again. It happened mostly at night for some reason, but then during the day I was getting winded just walking across the office or carrying Greta from the kitchen to her bedroom. I realized I was planning my activities (like walking to the restroom from my desk at the office) around how I felt; how well I was breathing. "This," I said to myself, "is not good." When I was at the doctor's office on Monday, I spent 20 minutes sobbing (yes, sobbing) about wanting to feel better and be able to breathe and carry and play with my kids without worrying about putting myself into an attack! I cried about the lump in my neck (thyroid...having an ultrasound on the soft tissue of my neck to see what's up today...I'll keep you posted) and how it was swollen last Wednesday or Thursday and was so tender to the touch and that I was probably one of those patients the doctors hate because I research things and try to self-diagnose and am convinced I have symptoms of hypothyroidism. (Doc agreed...hence, ultrasound and blood work.) I cried about the headaches and lack of sleep and depression and my inability to lose weight... (Doc says all symptoms of hypothyroidism!!!) And I sniffled through an explanation on how I was interested to know if my ADD could be controlled with meds because I was sick of feeling crazy and scattered all the time. So now I'm back on allergy and asthma medication, but the doctor says she doesn't want to add any meds for ADD or depression until she finds out what's up with my thyroid. She says that because hypothyroidism can be attributed to depression symptoms and, surprisingly, some ADD symptoms she wants to know for certain the outcome of all the tests before treating me for ADD and/or depression. Good. I just want to feel human again. I just want to be normal and useful to my family. Maybe, at last, after may weeks, months, years of suffering like this, I'm on the right track - on all my issues. I'll keep you posted! TTFN JMS

The Wonders of MySpace

So it seems as if January is the month of finding old friends. This, of course, is thanks to MySpace, which I've recently discovered. I am not - contrary to popular belief - addicted to MySpace, though I do log on for a few minutes as often as I can to see if anything interesting has been added or shared. I've had a MySpace page for while now, but never did anything with it. I only started it because my sister, Hannah, has one and she loads pictures there and updates it relatively frequently. I think I made one so I could see some of her wedding pictures from last year. Anyway, sometime around Christmas - when I was off of work for a week - I logged on and started searching for friends. I found so many people I know, and many more that I used to know - it was amazing! I found Brian, who I knew from West Hartford, CT, who is now not only a medical doctor, but is back in school studying to be a lawyer! Yes, I did say doctor AND lawyer - he is a smart guy; let's not give him too much of an ego! (Sorry, Brian!) I found Cara, who is one of my best friends ever, though we don't keep in touch as often as I would like. She's recently gotten her PhD in Anthropology, so that means she's a doctor, too! I found Floyd, who I knew from Mystic who is also either studying medicine or has already gotten his degree. (How did I wind up with all these smart people for friends?) The most exciting thing for me, though, is that I found Gabrielle! Gabrielle and I were inseparable when we lived together in Grand Rapids, MI. I don't remember how we went our separate ways, I just know that we did and I've been searching for her for nearly 16 years! She was one of the best friends I ever had, and even though I do not look back fondly on the time I spent in Michigan, Gabrielle is definitely the highlight of my time there. Friends mean so much, and she certainly did. So I decided one day that I would just search, randomly, for her on MySpace and BAM! There she was. No fuss. No having to search through multiple people with the same name. She was just there! And though her profile was marked as private, and it took her nearly a month to respond to my friend request - we are now officially back in touch and I'm thrilled. I got an e-mail from her just yesterday and so even though I don't know what happened to her yet, I at least know that she's still alive and somewhere on the planet. I also got an e-mail from Gabrielle's boyfriend Jamie (x-boyfriend? x-husband? Don't know the story yet...), who I also knew when I lived in Michigan. He and Gabby are still in touch and I guess she gave him my e-mail address...so that was kind of neat, too! Anyway - I spent about 20 minutes this morning e-mailing Gabby about the last 16 years of my life and am now waiting to hear back form her on what she's been up to. It's funny how getting an e-mail from an old friend can make you feel all warm inside. I'm glad you're back, Gabby! I've missed you! TTFN JMS

Weekend Happenings!

Happy Monday everybody!

(Yeah...right!)

I had a pretty good weekend.

On Friday night, my very good friend Samantha (W not B for those in the know) came over for dinner and some much-needed girl conversation. We had veggie burgers topped with blue cheese and thick tomato slices (yum!) and a fresh veggie tray. (Yes, Sam is a veggie-head, but I love her anyway.) After dinner, Jamie and I put the kids to bed and then the adults chatted for a while until Sam and I decided to go look at a few things on the computer and Jamie began a video game. (He got bored with the video game pretty quickly and then watched 3:10 to Yuma...) Sam left around 10:30 and I went to bed. I'm so glad she came over to visit because I never get to see her anymore and we always have a great time.

Then the family had breakfast together on Saturday morning - even Greta had a small pancake - and Jamie went to work. I'm sure other things happened on Saturday, but I'm honestly at a loss as to what they are.

On Sunday - we all got up and went to church. There was a 10 AM rally for the Kids Worship Arts in which we learned about the kids choir, kids hand bells, and other fun kids activities that will happen over the next 12 weeks. We also voted on which logo to use. I put together the logos. This one is the clear winner. I'm very pleased it was so well received - even the kids liked it!

On Sunday night, Charlie had his first choir practice and he, along with his friend Abby, were the only 3-year-olds in the group. Everyone else was quite a bit older. I think Jayden (Abby's sister) who is 6 is the next youngest. Anyway - they sang a song and played hand bells and then showed off what they learned to the parents who were hanging around waiting for their respective kiddos. It was great.

Our friend Kevin, who is the choir director, did a FANTASTIC job. I don't know how he has the patience to do it - but I guess when you love something that much, you find a way around the difficulties. It is so obvious that he loves what he does and he loves those kids. Kudos to you, Kevin!

Anyway - it's Monday again and I'm at work. It's only just now 7AM and I've been up since 4:00. I just could not sleep, even as tired as I was (am...was....whatever). So I got up, showered, and left. I've got a doctor's appointment at 11:30 this morning to discuss a bunch of things and am looking forward to getting some answers. I'm sure everyone is concerned...(ha ha)...but there's nothing to worry about. This is just a regular doctor's appointment, though Peg will know exactly what I'm planning to discuss.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

TTFN
JMS

PS: Don't forget to check out Insano Boss!

Lunch with my family

I had lunch with my family today at a nice little restaurant that serves great personal pan pizzas. It was trying to snow when I got there, and even though I had to park quite a bit further away than I would have liked, I enjoyed the brisk, cold walk to the restaurant's main entrance. As soon as I rounded the end of the building and was in sight of the front door, I saw Charlie's little face desperately peering out the window at the parking lot. He spotted me almost instantly and yelled (I could hear him from outside), "Mommy!!!!" At this point, he was also jumping up and down on the booth seat excitedly. I entered the restaurant and walked down the little narrow "hall" to the main dining area and as I turned the corner, EVERY SINGLE DINER within earshot of Charlie's excited scream was looking at me. I'm wearing a red sweater today and I believe my cheeks turned the exact same shade of scarlet! It was quite funny. Greta spent some time flirting with a guy in a booth behind us while eating her fill of Cheerios and generally being cute and smiley. It was a nice lunch - too bad I didn't get a slice of one of those delicious looking cakes in the cooler. That would have been just too scrumptious for words... TTFN JMS

Want a dog?

I know of two sweet dogs that need homes. Sadie is a sweet natured, not-quite 2 year old black-and-tan hound/pitt mix with eyes the same cappuccino color as her coat. Her eyes are so full of expression and her eyebrows make you wonder if she's not smarter than she's letting on. She needs a little work in the training department, but she is totally worth the effort and would be a wonderful addition to any home. (About 50lbs)

Emma is an 8 year old lovable black furball who is slightly heavier than she should be and absolutely loves people and attention. She's basically very well behaved though she gets quite excited when somebody new shows up and there is more petting and affection to be had. Her eyes look at you adoringly and implore, "Love me...!" (About 80lbs)

Anyway - Sadie's mommy is moving and will unfortunately not be able to take Sadie with her, and Emma's mommy is having some health issues that make it next to impossible for her to take care of Emma. If anyone would like to lovingly take on one of these dogs, please let me know. I'll get pictures as soon as I can and post them right away.

Thanks,

Jennifer

Writer's Block?

I've had a story in my head, aching to get out, for years now. It's beginning to bother me that, though I love to write, I'm completely at a loss as to how to get this story from my brain to paper. I know the characters (for the most part), I know the setting (I can see it in my mind's eye like it was a photograph being held in front of me), I know the "misunderstanding" that makes the story possible, and I know how it ends. I just don't know the in between stuff and that kills me! Is this considered writer's block? Am I afraid of something? If I'm afraid, what am I afraid of? Maybe I am over thinking this. Maybe what I need to do is not delve directly into details, but get the general story on paper, and then flesh it out...? That's pretty much how I write anyway - and I constantly go back over things and remove what is extraneous and unnecessary and add a word or two here and there to make things more coherent. I do this all after I've already written what I mean to write. Shouldn't the same thing hold true for my story? The other thing is, maybe I'm afraid that what I think is an original idea had been done before. Maybe...but I honestly doubt it. Anyway - I don't really understand what my problem is. This story is pounding at the walls inside my brain so hard that I'm going to wind up with a concussion before long! TTFN JMS

Charlie & Greta

We had a good weekend. On Saturday, Charlie and I were hanging out together in the living room while Greta took a nap; I was folding laundry and he was playing on the floor with one of his trucks. It suddenly occurred to me that I recognized what Charlie was humming quietly to himself as he rolled his vehicle back and forth along the carpet. I asked him, "Hey Bud! Whatcha humming?" "Jeopardy." Says he. Hmmm...? And sure enough...I had heard correctly. My almost four-year-old son was humming the tune to Jeopardy. I cleaned Greta's room yesterday and now it is all nice and neat and organized and I don't want anyone to use it! Of course, I realize that realistically that's not possible, but it is nice to think about. I had intended to clean Charlie's room yesterday, too...but it did not get done for several reasons. One of which is that Charlie spent a significant portion in the day (albeit at different intervals) confined there for various bull-headed offenses. Talk about stubborn! Well, he isn't my son for no reason! Greta is simply cute and sweet. Her much-loved sticky-uppy hair is beginning to lay down and I think that saddens more than a few people. My friend Barb suggested we just cut the very tips of her hair and maybe it will start sticking up again. Um...no. Greta is as mobile as she can be without being bipedal, but she'll take tentative high-stepping baby steps if she's got a tight grip on your fingers. She's speedy, too - even on all fours! Quick to offer a smile and a laugh, she just brightens anyone's day. She's got 7 teeth (4 up and 3 down). She's learning sign language and already knows the signs for "play" and "more" well enough to do them on her own. She understands more signs if we do them for her, but has yet to master them. The lines of solid communication are beginning to open already and I can see that she's going to be just as chatty as her big brother. She adores her big brother...and I think he kinda likes her, too! Well, I guess that's it for now. Hope everyone had a good weekend, too! TTFN JMS

16th Century England

I have been living in Tudor England for the last two months and it's been a fantastic vacation! It makes me almost wish there was such a thing as a time machine so I could physically travel back to the 16th century for a day or two - if for no other reason than to wear the fancy clothes and hang out in castle presence chambers rubbing elbows with nobility and hoping to catch a glimpse of the king and queen. I've read about King Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn (The Other Boleyn Girl), and Katherine of Aragon (The Constant Princess), and Catherine Parr (The Last Wife of Henry VIII), and Lady Jane Gray (Innocent Traitor), specifically; not to mention all the other secondary characters and historical figures that helped flesh out these fantastic novels. Philippa Gregory has become a favorite author, though Allison Weir (who wrote Innocent Traitor) has the ability to make you feel everything her characters are feeling...which makes it tough for me to decide which author I like better. I am getting ready to dive into The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory, which is said to be the continuing saga of women of the court during King Henry VIII's reign, including Anne of Cleves (Henry's 4th wife), Katherine Howard (Henry's 5th wife) and Jane Rochford (sister-in-law of Anne Boleyn - she's married to Anne's brother - and the one who gave testimony against Anne during her trial). This one should be just as interesting and I can't wait to get started. It's almost too bad that I have to work today. TTFN JMS

Follow these instructions

(This is for Hans.) Step 1: Gather trash. (Trash, by definition, is worthless material that is to be disposed of.) Step 2: Locate a container with other trash in it. This is known by many names, but is usually referred to as a trash can. (Also see: wastepaper basket, wastebasket, rubbish bin, or garbage can.) Step 3: Extend arm so hand holding trash is over the opening of the trash can. Step 4: Relax grip and let trash slip through your fingers into the trash can. Step 5: Do not congregate. Do not collect or generate more trash. Leave area immediately. This has been brief instruction about how to properly use a trash receptacle. Please follow these steps completely and thoroughly and there will be no cause for us having to seek you out and beat you severely about the head and shoulders! Thank you for your time and attention to this most important matter.

Grumble Grumble

Ok - the thing I was alluding to yesterday that had me so fired up I could hardly keep my mouth shut about it is still bugging me. Without naming any names (and hoping sincerely that no one figures out what I am really talking about for fear of hurting feelings or giving offense) I'll attempt to get this load off my chest. I have been given a task to do. I have been told that it is my task to plan and to take the ball and run with it. I have accepted the challenge with my whole heart and launched into preliminary planning. Now the person who gave me this task is wondering why I'm doing the things I'm doing and wouldn't it be better to do it another way? Wait a minute? I thought this was my task. Mine to plan. You said you didn't care what I did as long as it got done, right? In fact, your words were (and I'm paraphrasing in an attempt to avoid stepping on any toes), "It's your choice. Just talk with others to see what they're doing for theirs to make sure we're not duplicating efforts. Otherwise, it's all yours!" If you had ideas of how this should be done, you should either have voiced them to begin with or kept this task for yourself because then you could oversee it to your hearts content. It's mine now. I'll make sure I'm not duplicating any efforts - just as I always do - but your micromanaging this task is not going to make my job easier and, in fact, it will frustrate me quite severely and I might have to say something I'll regret later. Not only that, but this person treats me with obvious disdain and speaks to me as if I were a servant; and this is done when surrounded by other people. That, if nothing else, makes me feel terrible. There...I've said it. That didn't really help. I don't feel better. I don't really have anyone to vent to about this. It won't really mean anything to Jamie, so he probably won't care all that much and I wouldn't want to burden him with it. It's just really irritating when someone says, "You handle it, it's all yours....but do it this way." TTFN JMS

Limiting Myself and HMOs

You know - I think I've limited myself on what I can write because of people who I know read this blog. I don't have anything bad to say about anyone who reads this blog, but I have a few gripes about people they work with closely. I'm finding it hard to just keep my mouth shut. I certainly don't want to hurt any one's feelings or get anyone in trouble, so maybe it would be a good idea to just move on to a different subject. I heard on the way to work this morning that Richmond, Virginia is trying to pass a law to make it illegal to steal a cat. That this law would make the penalties and punishments equal to those for stealing a dog. As it is right now, stealing a cat in Richmond is considered a misdemeanor, while stealing a dog can land you in jail for 10 years! Talk about animal equality, eh? The news guy then went on to wonder aloud if they would begin looking into laws to protect hamsters from being kidnapped...um, hamsternapped. If they do, I think they should call it the Hamster Mistreatment Opposition or, HMO. Fitting? TTFN JMS

Fun With My Kids

So I got to spend nearly two whole days by myself with my kids and it was great! Charlie was a big help and Greta was very good; I had almost no difficulty with either of them. The only issue we had was a wet bed - which was a complete accident and poor Charlie was so mortified. It definitely didn't help that he drank nearly 20 ounces of Gatorade before his nap. I remembered to bring him a treat when I picked him up from school, which I usually forget; I stopped and got myself a Coca Cola and a Gatorade for Charlie. It was a nice thing to have because he was swinging and laughing merrily with his teacher when I arrived and was reluctant to leave. All I had to say was, "Hey Bud...I've got a treat for you in the car!" and he immediately jumped off the swing (my heart did a little lurch because he was still in motion) and, said with no ceremony, "Bye Ms. Theresa!" I allowed him to sip off of his Gatorade in the car on the way home, provided he was careful and didn't spill it. When we got home, he had a snack (a rather large banana) and then I took his drink, put it in the fridge and ushered him off to his room for a nap. Then, I made a bottle for baby Greta and she and I snuggled up in my bed for a while. Well...Charlie must have gotten up, silent as a mouse, and snuck into the fridge to retrieve his Gatorade because when I checked on him later, the bottle was beside his bed almost empty of the red liquid and Charlie was sleeping heavily. He was still dry at this point and I decided not to wake him up. About an hour later, I checked on him again and what I initially though was sweat...was not. I had to wake him up, strip him down, and put him into a warm bath. He cried the entire time. First it was because he was mad at being awakened, screamed about wanting to get back in bed and was completely deaf to my explanation that the bed was wet and so were his clothes. Then it was because he realized what he'd done and was upset about it and also because he thought I was angry with him. I was not angry with him at all. I hugged him and told him I was sorry he'd had an accident. I simply explained that it accidents happen sometimes and we needed to get him cleaned up. Then he screamed because he didn't want to get in the bath. Then because he was cold. Then again because his bed was wet and he was still tired. It was a bit of a struggle for about 30 minutes until I got him clean, warm and calmed down. He helped me strip his bed and clean his mattress, and then we had a discussion about why he simply cannot drink, drink, drink and about why he snuck the juice out of the fridge without my permission in the first place. Again...no anger...just discussion. Aside from the screaming, he was very good and even wanted to call Daddy (who was in Johnson City visiting his family) to tell him what happened. Does this fall under the "TMI" category? TTFN JMS

Vampire Baby

A lot of you who read this blog may not know that when I was much younger (and stupid-er) I was obsessed with vampires. I read vampire books constantly, watched any and all vampire movies I could get my hands on and even tried to find myself a set of silver teeth that would somehow fit over my incisors...just for effect. I owned a vampire encyclopedia. I dressed as a vampire for Halloween more often than I care to admit. I even tried to write a vampire story - which was terrible and has now been recycled. I knew the name of that pale-faced, long-fingered actor who played Nosfaratu in the silent movie and I once (oh, I can't believe I'm admitting this) won a free shot at a bar when the bartender tossed out that little trivia question to me thinking I wouldn't know it. Little did that bartender know that he was challenging a vampire fanatic. All that is now, thankfully, behind me. Though I still enjoy a good vampire flick and would really love to get my hands on a copy of Brian Lumley's Necroscope series because, though sometimes gory and scary, it is always worth another reading. The reason I wrote that long explanation is because of Greta the vampire baby. She is a silly, sweet little thing who likes to give hugs and wet sloppy baby kisses. She also bites. I am in the process of weaning her so she'll begin to take nothing but a bottle and (with apologies) leave the more tender parts of my body free from injury. When we were in church at midnight on Christmas Eve, she was fussy. Since Charlie was sound asleep on one of the pews surrounded by trusted friends and family, I removed Greta to the back of the church. While I stood there with her in my arms, slowly swaying back and forth and humming quietly in her ear, she seemed to settle down and nuzzled her little face down into the crook of my neck and shoulder. I put my hand gently on the back of her head, thinking that this was the last fighting throes of a sleepy baby. And then...OUCH! She bit me! Right in the crook of my neck! I know I gasped because it hurt - and I scared her because she started to cry in earnest - and we both drew stares from the faithful around us. I held her away from me a bit, looked her in the eye and said firmly, "Ok, Vampire Baby - no biting!" In church. On Christmas Eve. Thought I'd share.

Rain, rain, go away!

It used to be, because I was so afraid of driving even in good weather, that I would have had to pull over to wait out a storm. This morning, the rain came down hard and fast, literally blinding me as I drove to work, and I did not pull over once; though, in hindsight, I probably should have. It was dark, darker than usual because of all the cloud cover, and the lights from the cars coming the other direction only made it more difficult to see. I think, at one point, the rain was even coming up from below, rather than falling from above. There was just water everywhere and I'll admit, it was quite nerve-wracking. I was going about 35 miles an hour on the parkway and there were people passing me like it was a beautiful, sunny day, with clear visibility! I saw at least three accidents on one 4-mile stretch of road. I guess those speedy morons realized that driving in rain like that is almost as bad as trying to drive on a snowy road in the middle of winter in Maine! I feel like I've passed some kind of brave person's test. Sigh. TTFN JMS

Annual Review Update

So, yesterday, I cautiously inquired about my review status. It was a meek, "Um...I don't mean to bug you but..." e-mail to my boss. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not usually meek. Today, my boss came to me to say that he had gotten an answer from Human Resources on my review. I said, "Yay!" He said, "Not Yay!" Um...what? He says that because I took 6 weeks of maternity leave last year, they bumped my annual review back 6 weeks to February 16th (which is a Saturday, by the way). I'm not sure that even makes sense. Does anyone know? Is that legal? I feel like I've been cheated out of something... I know that my boss is simply relaying the information he got from Human Resources, so I don't blame him, but that doesn't make me any happier about it. TTFN JMS

I Don't Think So

Have you ever been excited and hopeful about something only to be let down later? I have – more times than I care to admit. This time, it’s something silly and stupid. Several weeks ago, I saw a ticker at the top of my e-mail box that caught my attention. It said something to the effect of, “Writing Test – Test your skills to see if you can write for publication.” Interested, I clicked on the link and arrived at the web site of The Long Ridge Writers Group based in West Redding, CT. Reading through the information provided on their site, one learns that this group strictly limits enrollment in their program to those who pass the writing test and somewhere (though at the moment, I cannot find where I read it) they say that they only pass about one third of the people who take the test. I took the test. (Honestly it was more out of curiosity to see how it would turn out than hopes for enrollment in the program. I write for me, not for publication. If someone were to find my work good enough to publish without having to sell myself out by writing a trashy romance novel, I might consider it, though.) I passed the test. I just got the thick enrollment packet in the mail yesterday. Pleased with myself I was – until I started seeing red flags. First of all, while the test itself was free, I could find no mention on their site of how much enrollment would be should I pass. In the packet of information I received yesterday, there was a small brochure suggesting that the $912 enrollment fee could be paid in full or, should I prefer, I could make low monthly payments of $57. They also provided a convenient $35 voucher for me to use toward the fee if I enrolled before January 30th. One heck of a deal, let me tell you! Secondly, they “introduced” me to my one-on-one writing instructor whose name was Jackie Diamond Hyman (ugh!) who has published many romance novels, among other things. Right up my alley! Just what I need! Third, I was unimpressed by the fact that there was not one single piece of paper in the entire package that was personal, handwritten or sporting an original signature. Form this, brochure that... Makes me wonder just how many people they actually do enroll; I’d be willing to bet they enroll more than the one third! What it boils down to is that I am not willing to spend nearly $1000 of my hard earned money on a program to “improve” my writing. If I had disposable income, it might be something fun to do just because, but I can go to the local community college and take a creative writing class for a lot less and get a college credit for it! Oh, and you should see some of the things they promise you’ll have accomplished by the time you complete the program. Not doing it. Anyway – thought I’d share. TTFN JMS

Tired, Tired & Tired

I realized as I was driving up the last road to my office this morning at 6:45 that I'm tired. Tired to a point where I find myself staring at nothing, breathing shallowly, on the very edge of nodding off. It's a good thing I was paying attention on the road or I might have nodded off behind the wheel and THAT would have been bad. (Ya think?) Even now, sitting at my computer, it's taken me nearly five minutes to write those first sentences. Last night was a rough night. Greta was up every hour on the hour, and then was up (I thought for good) at 3:00 AM. I wrestled with her for over an hour; I nursed her, attempted to give her a bottle, walked with her, rocked her, sang quietly to her...nothing did the trick. Finally I gave up at around 4:15 and simply deposited my still-awake and wanting-to-play daughter in her crib. As I attempted to walk silently back to bed, I said a fervent prayer that she wouldn't scream too much. God must have answered my prayer, because aside from some happy chatter coming from Greta's room, I heard no further signs of unhappiness. Not only that, but she eventually fell asleep herself. I got another 30 minutes of sleep before I had to get up with my alarm at 5:00...I was mostly awake anyway. Charlie, thankfully, slept all the way through - though he put up a good fight last night when we tried to put him to bed. He got up at 6:00 this morning saying he wanted to snuggle on the couch and watch the news. (I'm not kidding.) Daddy said that Charlie needed to stay in bed until the sun came up. Charlie, needless-to-say, was none too thrilled with the idea of being ushered back into his bedroom, but he didn't scream and obeyed me with minimal whining. Last night was also restless for me because I was having trouble breathing. Every time I thought I felt better, I'd get that tightness in my chest again, so there was lots of tossing and turning. Not only that, but I felt this one little spot of something in my chest and I knew that if I could cough it out, I would feel much better. Not to be. I still have that "spot of crud" this morning. Anyway - aside from the restless night and the fact that I'm tired beyond tired this morning (and yes, even that "spot of crud") I'm doing OK today. It is going to be an insanely busy day so I have got to go get a cup of coffee (or seven) and make sure I'm fully awake and aware come 8:00. (...oh if I could only close my eyes for a few minutes...)

Work & Reviews

It's Friday again and I'm slowly getting through my day. I still have not had my annual review. Apparently the compensation needs to be approved by HR before the review can be administered - so that's the hold up. I just wish they'd hurry. I mean, yeah - it's the money, but also because my reviews make me so nervous that I don't feel good at all until they're over.

My friend here at work says my nervousness is just because the reviews I had at other companies (except when Mia and Robert gave them) were crappy. It didn't matter how well I thought I performed, my supervisors and/or managers thought otherwise, even when everyone else always seemed to be complimenting me on my hard work.

More often than not, I would come home crying from work more and finding myself looking for excuses not to go in the next day. Since I am just not the type to give up and do nothing on the job or simply walk out (though I admit I've done that once), I always found more reasons to go in instead of to stay home and weep. I have an "I'll show them" attitude and it makes me try even harder.

I finally have a boss, however, who recognizes that I do a good job and who knows that I will do what I say I'm going to do. He trusts that if I have problems, I'll come to him and that I'll keep him posted on the status of my projects. He doesn't stand over my shoulder, breathe down my neck, or ask me every five minutes about things I'm working on. Not only that, but he treats me like a human being, and not a peon.

This is an enormous change from the witch at the clothing store who fired me because she didn't like me though she used an awful, untrue excuse to execute it. It's vastly different from the retired Navy Captain who was used to barking orders and getting immediate, unquestioned results. This is a world away from walking on egg shells around the woman who considered it a sport to make me cry every day just because she could or the VIP at that same company who was just simply mean, though she pretended she was your best friend. I could go on.

I guess what I mean is, I feel lucky - even with all the small frustrations on the job - to have a job where I don't mind going, where I am not afraid to set food in the door, and where I'm not feeling sick to my stomach every day just waiting for the Sugar Honey Iced Tea to hit the fan.

Plus, I work with a really great group of people. Granted, there are a couple I'd like to strangle occasionally - especially when they take it upon themselves to order $1800.00 worth of specialty imprinted chocolate bars we can't use because the imprint sends the wrong message and no one approved it in the first place and then we have to pay to ship it back to the vendor when the expense should come out of someone else's budget...! (Oh, Jenn...calm down now...)

Deep breath.

Sunshine, Rainbows & Daisies!






TTFN
JMS

I Don't Wanna Do That!!!

Do you ever find that there's something in your life that you know you have to do but you absolutely cannot bring yourself to do it unless it becomes a matter of, say, losing your job, or having a huge fight, or losing a cherished friendship? I've found mine - and no, it's not the laundry...though that comes in a very close second. Part of my job is to issue lockers to people who have requested them. It's not a complicated task. It doesn't take very long. I hate and loathe doing it. I have now put it off as long as I can (longer) and just this morning one of the managers sent me an e-mail asking me when it will be done. Ugh. So now I've spent the first 20 minutes of my morning issuing lockers and combination locks. I don't know what it is and I don't really understand my aversion to this aspect of my job; this task is part of the reason I get paid! But now it's done and Hans (our in-office courier, doer of all things facility-related, mail room specialist extraordinaire) has delivered the assignments to the appropriate persons. I'm glad he knows how much I hate doing this because when he sees the locker assignment envelopes in my out-box, he makes it a point to deliver them right away. Thank you, Hans! Ok...I'm done now. To work with me. TTFN JMS

Late 2007 / Early 2008

I said to Jamie last night, "You know, I really, really don't want to go back to work tomorrow." He said, "Why? When we got back from the beach in September you seemed excited to get back to work." I don't know the answer. I don't know why I feel differently about going back to work now versus going back to work then. The only answer I could come up with at the time of this discussion was, "Well, maybe it's because I got to spend this vacation with just my family." I still don't know if that's the right answer and now I'm back at work. The first working day of 2008. January 2nd. My younger brother Jeffrey's 30th birthday. Geez. I cannot believe my little brother is 30 years old! ...makes me feel old. Happy birthday, Jeff. I hope your birthday today is spectacular and that you get to spend it with those you love. (Oh...and can I talk about that other thing now? I don't know if I've been given permission yet...) In other happenings, Charlie and I went with our very dear friend Barb and her son Sam to see Alvin and the Chipmunks on New Year's Eve. This is a great movie and Theodore is so cute and sweet; makes you want to squeeze him! (If any of you remember that little cartoon-ish voice I can do, Barb says I could have been the voice of one of those chipmunks!) Take your kids! Don't wait until it comes out on DVD. It's rated PG and is appropriate for all ages. Charlie and Sam are both almost 4 and there wasn't any moment during the entire movie that I was concerned about the content. (Aaron - take Jake if you haven't already. Katy - Mr. B would probably love it!) On the way home from the movie, Charlie said to me, "Mommy - I didn't have any fun!" "Why not, bud?" I ask. "I didn't laugh." He says very seriously. Ah, well...I tried. He did have a good time, though, and he did laugh. I know because he sat on my lap almost the entire time. It was too bad Barb and I were sitting two seats away from each other because we, the adults, spent our time laughing like hyenas and saying "Awwww" and "Ohhh...he's so cute!" a lot. I certainly didn't mean for this post to turn into a movie review, but there you go. Happy First Working Day of 2008 everybody! TTFN JMS